My past ruined my future
by Ms. Amanda Rose
Summary: Bella Swan is alone.She has problems that no one knows.They hurt her inside and people say she's crazy.She only talked2 Kate her best friend who is dead. Now she's going2 live with her dad and bro. Maybe she is nuts? Rated M IALY has just been changed2 M2
1. Bring me to Life

**New story**

**Sorry not really**

**If it pops in my head I write it**

**Disclaimer: Nope!**

_Airport Seattle_

I Bella Swan am alone. Forever and always no matter what I've been alone. My mom never listens and my step dad hates me.

I'm now in Seattle waiting to be picked up; I'm now living in Forks. Great just perfect.

The worst part is I just found out that my best friend is dead. Not just my best friend my only friend.

She knew more about me then my counselers did. It was also the same with the shrinks my mom tried to send me too. I turned up my I pod and sang along to my favorite sad song.

_(Hello, By Evanescence)_

_Playgrounds, _

_Schoolbell rings_

_Again_

_Rain clouds come to play, again_

_Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

_Hello_

_I'm your mind giving you someone to talk too_

_Hello..._

_If I smile and don't..._

_Believe_

_Soon I know I'll wake_

_From this dream_

_Don't try to fix me I'm not broken_

_Hello_

_I'm the light _

_Living for you so you can't hide _

_I don't cry_

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping!_

_Hello! _

_I'm still here _

_All that's left of yesterdayyyyy _**(I love this song)**

"Bella" I turned and looked at two guys. One I knew the other I didn't and I didn't care.

"Jasper" I ran up to my brother and hugged him tight.

"I'm so sorry Bella." He knew how much Kate meant to me.

"Me too" I didn't want to cry in front of Jaspers friend but then I didn't care. I let some tears slip threw.

"Let's go Edward get her bags." Edward listened and Jasper led us to a Volvo.

"This isn't your car." I stated he laughed.

"You know me to well. It's Edward's." I nodded and slid in the back and we started to Jasper and Charlie's and now my house.

"Bella" Jasper asked.

"Yes"

"What do you want to listen to?" I saw a million CDs he at least had my new favorite. Evanescence, Fallen

_(My immortal, Evanescence__)(__**Oh and I'm not gothic if you think that read my others fics I just like this CD)**_

_I'm so tired of being here_

_Suppressed by you my childish fears_

_And if you have to leave_

_I wish that you would just leave_

_Your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone_

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you'd cry I'd _

_Wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd_

_Fight away all of your fears_

_I held your hand threw all of these years_

_But you still held_

_On me..._

_You used to captivate me_

_By your resonating light_

_By the bond by the life you left behind_

_Your face it haunts _

_My once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice it chased away _

_All the sanity in me_

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just to much _

_That time cannot erase_

_When you'd cry I'd _

_Wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd_

_Fight away all of your fears_

_I held your hand threw all of these years_

_But you still held..._

_On me_

_I try so hard to tell myself_

_That you're gone_

_But though you're still with me_

_I've been alone_

_All along_

_When you'd cry I'd _

_Wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd_

_Fight away all of your fears_

_I held your hand threw all of these years_

_But you still held..._

_On me..._

_Me...(me)_

_Me..._

I finished singing and I noticed Jasper with a mad face.

"What's wrong dear brother?" I asked.

"Why are you acting like this?" He asked back.

"What?"

"You're singing sad songs Bella. 1 you never sing 2 this song is good but you got really into the words."

"So" I challenged.

"So you're upset."

"Thanks captain obvious. Edward please turn on the song "going under." He smiled slightly I guess he like the song, and turned it on.

I sang Edward seemed to like my voice I knew for a fact Jasper did to. He just hated the song choice. (I'm not writing all the lyrics)

_I won't be broken again_

_I got to breathe_

_I can't keep going under_

_I...died again_

_I'm going under (going under) _Jasper stopped the song and I frowned.

"Jasper" I pouted.

"Sorry Bells I'm immune Alice does that to me a lot." I turned to Edward and pouted at him. This was his first Bella pout and he caved I was defiantly using it to my advantage.

"Edward my friend please stay on my side." He pulled out the CD and I frowned now no music at all.

"So Bella what do you like to do?" Edward asked.

"For fun" He quickly added. I laughed and so did Jasper.

"Read but lately it's been listening to this music."

"Bella please don't go emo Goth on me."

"Me emo Goth, never Jasper." I smiled and put in my I pod it instantly reminded me why I was here.

_(Bring me to life, Evanescence)_

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors?_

_Lead in you down into my core_

_Where I've become so known_

_They fill her soul_

_Her spirit sleeping somewhere cold_

_Until you find the bearing me_

_If that home_

_Wake me up _

_Wake me up inside_

_Girl wake up_

_Wake me up inside (save me)_

_Call my name and save me from the dark_

_Wake me up_

_Bid my blood to run, (Girl wake up)_

_Before I come undone (Save me)_

_Save me from the nothing I've become_

_Now that I know what I'm without_

_You can't just leave me-_

I turned off my I pod and sat back silent tears came back, Kate couldn't be brought back to life. She left me. No matter how hard I wished, she was dead I wouldn't see her again unless you count her tombstone.

**Like? Hate?**

**Let me know.**

**Sorry for new story...don't be mad. -Bellas pout-**

**Sorry.**

**Review! I need to know what you think. I'm doing Edwards POV next just ask and you'll receive. So review. :)**


	2. Bring me to life EPOV read AN

**If you don't know by now it's all human.**

**Rose is Bella and Jaspers cousin!**

**All of my stories are except I just got an idea for an all vampire one.**

**This is Edwards point of view and maybe Bella's again so long chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I wish.**

EPOV

"Edward!" Alice yelled at me. Today Jaspers sister was coming and Alice was freaking out.

"What?"

"Which one the blue skirt or the pink skirt?" Why did my sister have to be the hard core shopper?

"Pink" She smiled and ran upstairs. Right now we were all at the Swans and I guess Hales, really all of us.

Rose was filing her nails while Emmett played video games. Alice was changing and checking Bellas room. When we found out she was coming Alice had to give the room a makeover.

"Edward do you want to come with me to get Bella?" Jasper asked.

"WHY DO YOU ASK EDWARD AND NOT ME?" Emmett asked offended.

"My sister won't be able to jump in the Jeep." Jasper stated.

As I started the car Jasper became serious.

"What's up?" I asked. He shook his head.

"I need to give you a heads up on why she's here." He sounded upset.

"Okay"

"Bella well, my mom thinks there is something wrong with her. I know there wrong because when I'm with her she's my lil sis. She acts like herself, but in Phoenix."

"She had one friend who probably knows ten times more about her then me. Her name was Kate." I caught the word was.

"She just recently died Bella couldn't take it. My mom putt's it as she went crazy but I know that's not true. Rosalie to everyone is a self-centered bitch but to Bella she's an older sister. We've seen Bella and she's never gone crazy but from what I've heard this is different."

"How?" I asked.

"She would come home and lock herself up. She'd say she were alone, my mom says she heard her crying all the time. They said there was a period where they found...razors and knives in her desk at home not school." Jasper looked horrible, thinking about his little sister cutting herself.

"The funny thing is that before Kate died Bella was still a zombie to everyone. Kate helped her deal with whatever was wrong. My mom sent her to shrinks and they couldn't get a word from her. My mom stopped trying and just made sure Kate was around to help Bella. Now she's gone and Bella has to stay here." Wow.

"I'm sorry Jasper." He nodded.

"I hope she's okay." I parked and got out of the car.

We walked for a few minutes but stopped by a girl with brown hair. Jasper didn't say anything he just stared. She was singing softly in a whisper to herself. I knew the song and from it I assumed this was Bella.

The song was Evanescence, Hello. It's a song about suicide; I looked at her and realized how beautiful she was. She looked so broken and alone, the song was ending and she would notice us.

"Bella" Jasper said. She looked up and jumped into his arms hugging him.

"Jasper" She looked so sad.

"I'm so sorry Bella." Jasper said she looked on the verge of tears.

"Me too." She was talking softly. I saw some tears escape from her but she barley noticed.

"Let's go Edward get her bags." I nodded and grabbed them, I followed them to the Volvo and Bella stopped in front of it.

"This isn't your car." She said to Jasper. He laughed.

"You know me to well its Edwards." She nodded and got in the back. I slid in the front and she went into her own world.

"Bella?" Jasper asked trying to pull her back.

"Yes"

"What do you want to listen to?" She smiled I was glad I had pretty much every CD made. She put one in and started a song. I knew this song it was Evanescence My Immortal, this was gothic music my favorite gothic music.

She sat back and sung to herself again. She was barley paying attention to us but Jasper was watching her.

"I'm worried; she's two people." I was confused. "Bella was not herself when we picked her up. When we came to the Volvo Bella smiled and cracked jokes on my car picking habits. That's my little sister."

"May I ask what's wrong with Volvos?" He shook his head and listened to Bella, she was getting into the music.

_When you'd cry I'd _

_Wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd_

_Fight away all of your fears_

_I held your hand threw all of these years_

_But you still held..._

_On me..._

_Me...(me)_

_Me..._

The song ended and she looked at not so happy Jasper.

"What's wrong dear brother?" Jasper looked like if he was restraining a smile.

"Why are you acting like this?" He asked.

"What?"

"You're singing sad songs Bella. 1 you never sing 2 this song is good but you got really into the words." I understood his point.

"So" She challenged.

"So you're upset." It's fun watching them fight.

"Thanks captain obvious. Edward please turn on the song "going under." I smiled glad she at least knew who I was.

She sang to herself this time louder for us to hear her better, she seemed happy but Jasper was watching her protectively. Jasper turned off the song and she pouted.

"Jasper"

"Sorry Bells I'm immune Alice does that to me a lot." I saw her slightly smile at the name Bells but then she turned to me. She started pouting and I caved, she looked cute when she pouted.

"Edward my friend please stay on my side." Jasper pulled out the CD and Bella frowned. I wanted to keep talking to her so I decided to.

"So Bella what do you like to do?" I asked.

"For fun" I quickly added, why was I nervous around her?

"Read but lately it's been listening to this music." I nodded.

"Bella please don't go emo Goth on me." Jasper begged playfully but behind it I could tell he meant it.

"Me emo Goth, never Jasper." She put her ear-buds back and turned on her I-pod.

"She's getting better." Jasper noted. Then he looked at me.

"So what do you think of Bella?"

"She's nice." He shook his head.

"Edward you can like her, but that's all right now she's to broken." I understood. I looked at her and saw her crying to herself. I nudged Jasper and he saw too, I thought and decided to see if I could put her to sleep.

I put in Debussy and turned on Clair de Lune. She started fading and she fell asleep in seconds.

"Thanks Edward."

"No problem Jasper."

**What did you think?**

**I liked writing this!**

**Rosalie a self-centered bitch? Never. lol anyway Rose is a bitch we love kay. Don't hate her. :)**

**Names: Isabella Marie Swan, Jasper Whitlock Swan, Rosalie Hale, Emmett Cullen, Mary Alice Cullen, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.**

**As you can see Edward has 2 middle names...he's adopted. He's the only one adopted.**

**Oh I have an Idea for a new story. I know I'm crazy but I like to write.**

_**Bella and Edward knew each other in 1918. Friends but when they finally admitted they loved each other the influence hit. Edward and Bella are at different sides of the hospital and Carlisle changes Edward. But there's another vampire around he changes Bella and she's heartbroken.**_

_**Bella was by herself when human no family at all, except Edward. Now she's wearing a ring and has a picture of a bronze haired boy in her head. How will she deal with forever alone when she's in love with someone she thinks has died?**_

**That's the summary I'll put up.**

**Tell me if I should write it and...**

**REVIEW! **

**PLEASE!**


	3. Please! This isn't happening

**I STARTED THE ALL-VAMP 1 READ IF YOU HAVEN'T!**

**OH AND VOTE ON MY POLL NOW!**

**You all are probably wondering what happened to Bella well.**

**You'll find out later.**

**A lot later.**

**Anyways I'm doing both POVS it helps me in a way.**

**So here it is back to Bella and Edwards.**

**Disclaimer: PITCH PUNCH CAPTIN CRUNH! Nope I don't own.**

_I was running and so was Kate it was happening again. The one thing that made me go insane._

"_Kate!" I screamed she was falling behind._

"_Just keep running Bella!" She caught up and we never stopped and then I heard the worst sound in the world._

_Gunshots_

"_Ah!" Kate fell to the ground and screamed in pain._

"_Kate!" I stopped and went next to her she had been shot in the leg._

"_We...need...to...go." I tried to pick her up but it wasn't working._

"_Just go Bella!" I shook my head._

"_NO! They want me Kate there...not...getting...you...too." I had her standing and started running or tried._

"_Bella we can't-"_

"_WE'RE NOT DYING THIS WAY!" I yelled but then I heard them._

"_Come out come out wherever you are." They laughed and then I heard more gunshots._

"_Ah!" We both screamed. They had gotten her back and my arm. I dropped her and she fell to the ground._

"_Ha, ha, ha!" They laughed and they started running. It was to dark to see but I knew they were there._

"_We have to go Kate don't scream-"_

"_GO BELLA DAMNIT!" She never yelled at me._

"_No you're not going down there!-"_

"_GO NOW!" She screamed again in pain._

"_But-"_

"_NOW! Bella go!" Then they we there or almost there. I stood up and started backing away._

"_Kate" I whispered._

"_Just go Bella I can take it." Then I started running I stopped when I heard it._

"_AH!" Kate was screaming._

"_STOP IT PLEASE! AH!" I fell to the ground tears everywhere._

"_STOP HURTING HER!" I screamed but they couldn't hear me her screams were louder._

"_AH!" Then the final point came. I heard gunshots and no more screams._

_They had gotten Kate just like they had gotten me._

"Bella wake up!" I opened my eyes and saw I was in the Volvo.

"Bella" I turned and saw we were parked and my door was open. Jasper was talking to me.

"It was just a nightmare Bella you're fine now." I nodded and got out. Jasper steadied me.

"Are you okay to meet some people?" He asked. I looked at him then Edward.

"Just Alice and Emmett Bella. Alice is my girlfriend and Emmett is Roses boyfriend they're also Edwards brother and sister." I nodded slowly.

"Okay Rose is here right?" He nodded. I got out of the car and grabbed my bag Edward grabbed all of the other ones. Jasper opened the door and I walked in.

EPOV

During the ride she kept moving she was quiet but she was still crying. Finally Jasper woke her up and we were going in the house.

"Hello?" Jasper called when we walked in. Then Alice ran down the stairs.

"Hi Jasper, Edward." She looked at Bella and smiled.

"Bella this is Alice my girlfriend, Alice this is my little sister Bella." Alice smiled and shook her hand.

"Hi" Bella mumbled.

"Hi Bella, Jasper you didn't say she was so pretty-" She started babling I tuned her out.

"Bella we must go shopping." I saw Bellas eyes go wide and she shook her head.

"Oh hell no." was all she said and I laughed but I wasn't the only one.

There standing in all her conceited glory was Ms Rosalie Hale. I saw Bella smile and she ran up and hugged her.

"Well hello to you to Bella." Rose laughed again.

"I told you she was here geeze Bells." Jasper shook his head.

"Alice I told you she hates shopping." Rose said when the stopped hugging.

"Yes but that won't stop me and you know it." They both laughed. I looked at Bella and saw her watching Rosalie.

It looked as if she was looking at her mother. I nudged Jasper again and he gave me a look saying 'I'll explain later.' I nodded and looked back at them.

"Who did this?" Bella asked looking at the wall Alice had painted. It was more of a mural; Alice was experimenting with her talents at the time.

"Oh I did." Bella smiled at Alice and looked back at it. It was of the forest in the backyard. It wasn't sunny nor dark it was about Twilight. Bella turned back to Alice.

"It's really beautiful Alice." Alice smiled.

"Thanks I wanted to see how well I could paint. I made Edward take a picture and I copied from that but instead of light I made it Twilight." She nodded and started looking at pictures. Then Emmett came in from the kitchen.

"Bella" She turned to Rose.

"This is my boyfriend Emmett Cullen, Emmett this is my cousin/sister Bella." She smiled at the word sister. Now I had to know what was with them.

"Nice to meetcha Bella!" She laughed at his loudness.

"Same here Emmett I never thought I'd see Rose with a boyfriend." Rose pretended to glare.

"Okay I think Bella should go and get some rest. She had a long flight." Bella pouted.

"Fine is my room in the same place." Jasper nodded.

"Yup Alice just added some things to it." This made Bella smile more and she ran up the stairs.

"So care to explain?" Rose looked at me.

"Explain what?" She snapped.

"It's nothing but it's just the way she was looking at you." Her expression softened.

"Edward Bella loves Rosalie. Bella admired her as a child at anytime in the day too. I once walked into Roses room looking for Bella and saw her watching Rose brush her hair." We all looked at her and she nodded.

"I didn't understand it but I didn't care. I watched over Bella we both did." She gestured to herself and Jasper. Then we heard a scream. Then Bella ran down the stairs.

"You seriously bought me all of those clothes?" Alice nodded.

"You don't have to wear them but-" The Bella was hugging the life out of her.

"Thank you." Then she was back upstairs.

"She runs fast." I noted but then I saw Jasper and Rose share a look I didn't understand.

"She does, she sure does." Jasper murmured.

BPOV

Everyone seemed nice for the moment. Rosalie had gotten more beautiful which I didn't know was possible.

Rosalie was pretty and perfect but she was the only one who made me feel safe. When my mom didn't let me come and visit anymore I lost it.

If she would have let me come and see them I would have been fine. I wouldn't have left the house and made that stupid-

"Bella" I opened the door and saw Edward smiling he was holding some of my bags.

"Oh um come in." He smiled and walked in then he stopped when he looked at my closet.

"She loves to shop doesn't she?" He just nodded.

"She also very...hyper. That's what Jasper needs." He turned to me.

"I'll see you later then?" It sounded like a question. I nodded.

"Sure" He smiled and walked out the door.

To me Edward is...awesome. I don't know him that well but from what I know he seems sweet. I looked around the room and saw a trunk from the attic.

I opened it and decided to look threw it. My heart stopped when I saw pictures of my parents. I grabbed the book and ran downstairs.

"What the hell is this!" I demanded Rose and Jasper stood up.

"Bella its-" I stopped him.

"How can you even stand to have these here! She lied to us! She never cared about us!" I was yelling now.

"Bells" I saw him glance at the table. There was another picture of my family before my mom divorced my dad. I picked it up.

"It was all lies." Maybe it was the medication I forgot to take or the fact I was trying to stop my cutting.

But I ended up throwing the picture frame against the wall. It shattered and fell to the ground.

"She lied to us! That whole time! How can you stand to keep these!" I looked at all the photos.

"The same way you could stand living with her! She's our mother!"

"I didn't live with her! I was gone the whole time! Did she forget to tell you that! I lived outside in an alley. I would meet Kate there and we'd just talk. I never once spent a single night at her house!"

"Bella damn it stop!" I looked at Rose and just started screaming.

"SHE NEVER CARED DAMNIT! DO YOU GET THAT!" I grabbed more pictures and tried to throw them but Jasper took them away from me. Then he grabbed my arms and I started kicking him.

"Let me go!" He did and I grabbed the glass from the picture frame. Then I ran upstairs.

I knew this was against what I'd been trying to accomplish but I needed to get rid of the pain. I just needed freedom.

EPOV

"What the hell was that?" I asked. They shook there heads. Then Rose screamed.

"What's wrong Rose?" Emmett asked, She shook her head.

"Jasper." Was all she said and he looked where she was looking. It was the glass pile Bella made but they looked scared.

"Fuck Bella!" He called and ran upstairs. Rose after him.

"BELLA OPEN THE DOOR!" Rose screamed. We didn't follow because this seemed private.

"What's going on?" Alice asked.

"She cuts herself." I whispered "I think she's been getting help but that was just too easy. The glass was right there and she was pissed. I would have to if-" I stopped I hated thinking back to _that time._ I was a monster then.

"Edward people can't help her. You of all people know that." I did I helped myself I had to realize what I was doing to my family.

"I-" Then we were cut off by a scream.

"Damn it Bella! Why are you doing this to yourself! Rose get towels!" Rose ran downstairs and ran into the kitchen. Jasper was yelling along with Bella.

"Because I like the feeling Sherlock!" Bella was sarcastic.

"You act like no one gives a crap about you! Well guess what? We try but you won't let us! This just brings you more pain!"

"NO! It helps me! I can't think about anything! I feel free! I forget everything when I do this!" I understood but no one else did.

"Fuck! I'm done Bella I'm telling Charlie!"

"Good so he'll send me to that doctor. Then that doctor will loose patience and give up! I don't talk to doctors Jasper! Ask Renee Dyer! Not Swan Dyer!"

"This is about mom!"

"No! It's about...nothing that concerns you!" Rose ran up the stairs with tears in her eyes.

"SHUT THE HELL UP! BELLA YOU'RE GOING AND THATS IT!" We heard the door slam and then they came down the stairs. With the glass that Bella had taken.

"My word is always the last." She murmured. Jasper threw the glass in the trash, all of it.

"That won't stop her you know." They looked at me.

"It won't." They just nodded.

BPOV

I looked at the new cut on my arm. When I touched it, it would sting but I like the feeling. It was quiet so I opened my door and heard glass being thrown away.

"That won't stop her you know." That was Edwards voice.

"It won't." He added. He was right that made me wonder how he knew.

"What made you stop?" Rose asked.

"That I can't explain." Was his answer, he cut himself? Why?

"Do you think you could talk to her?" Alice asked.

"No it depends-"

"What?!" Rose asked.

"You are going to help her Edward!"

"Rose as much as I hate seeing her like this I can't! No doctor can help- either! Don't say well get the best because I know the best! He's my dad for gods sake! Well guess what he didn't help me at all."

What made him do it? Was he once as hurt as me? Who would hurt Edward? Why would you want to hurt Edward?

Could he help me?

**REVIEW! AND VOTE!**


	4. OMGCharlie

**Hi**

**I'm pissed off soooooo**

**This was easy to write.**

**Disclaimer: NO!!!!**

BPOV

I sat in my room bored and hungry. What to do? My computer was hooked up and slow, going downstairs would be bad. Jasper and Rose are mad and i don't need pity.

"Damnit I'm hungry." I stood up and opened my door slowly. Empty. That's good but quiet, bad.

I walked toward the stairs and saw no one. I walked down and saw a note.

_Bella_

_Get to know are friends._

_Jasper and i went to get pizza_

_Love ya no matter what_

_Rose and Jasper_

_OH Edward went with us too. His car has more CDs._

Okay where are Alice and Emmett. Edward...I don't really want to see. If I see him I'll wonder what happened to him. I'm glad he went. I walked into the kitchen and saw Alice sitting with Emmett.

"Uh...hi?" i feel stupid. They smiled.

"They should be back in a few minutes Bella." I nodded and Emmett stood up. He started looking threw the fridge.

"How does Rose stay sooooo thin!" I sat down next to Alice. She started laughing and I watched.

"I mean it's all take out in here! I would love to live here!" I looked in the fridge and laughed softy to myself.

"Well 1 she's always at are house Emmett and 2 they wouldn't want you here." I laughed louder with Alice. It wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. I was grateful.

"That's not true! Bella you would want me here! Right?" I smiled and nodded.

"Ha! Told you!" He went back to looking threw the fridge.

"That's all he ever does." Alice mused "Oh well I still love him anyway."

"Alice" She turned to me. "I'm sorry about...earlier." she looked down at my arm.

"Its fine Bella. It just brought back some memories. You need to wrap that arm." She stood up and grabbed her purse. Then took out a band-aid.

"About..Edward?" She looked up and nodded.

"You'll find out more in time." she whispered. Then Emmett decided to but in.

"WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING WITHOUT ME!" Alice laughed.

"Because we're girls and that's what we do." I answered for Alice she nodded.

"Fine! I was going to tell you a secret but now I won't." I laughed this time.

"Emmett don't scare her." I froze at the sound of his voice.

"Bella! What did you do to your arm?!" I turned around in my chair.

"Hi...dad."

EPOV

On the drive to get pizza it was quiet. Rose is never quiet soooo she's pissed.

On the way back it was quiet Jasper was to mad to talk. Fuck this.

"I'm sorry okay! But what do you want me to do?!" Rose glared at me.

"Help her! Edward I know you can do that!" Jasper just watched. He was probably thinking about what to tell Charlie.

"It's different Rosalie! I was suicidal yes! But I also...you remember the drinking and drugs Rose! I knew what was bothering me i don't know about Bella!"

"It's about something that happened in Phoinex." Jasper stated.

"No duh Jasper." Rose sat back.

"What do you want me to do?" They looked at each other and shook there heads.

"Nothing" Rose whispered "We'll just send her to Carlisle."

I drove faster. They were pissing me off. I didn't even know Bella what could i do?

"shit!" Jasper and Rose said together. I pulled up to the side of the house.

Next to Rose's BMW was another car. Charlies car.

"Shit is right." I muttered.

**Short I'm having some writers block.**

**My sis is sick and thats distracting me.**

**REVIEW the sucky chapter**


	5. Glass

**Okay last chapter SUCKED!**

**To me.**

**I'm pissed soo that helped for this.**

**Disclaimer:....:(**

BPOV

"Charlie hi." Alice said. She dropped my arm. I stood up.

"Dad its...

"YOUR MOTHER WAS RIGHT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING BELLA!" Whats with the yelling. I decided to match my temper with his.

"DAD SHUT UP! WHATS WITH THE YELLING?" He shut his mouth.

"Bella I'm sending you to a doctor tomorrow." I didn't care if I sounded rude now.

"Jasper and Rose are 1 step ahead of you." I rolled my eyes.

"Alice does Dr. Cullen have any appointments for tomorrow?" MY eyes widened. Dr Cullen?

Edwards dad? Oh hell no.

EPOV

We jumped out of the car (Jasper holding the pizza) and ran to the house. Before Rose could even get the door open we heard yelling.

"NO FUCKING WAY! CHARLIE!" Bella was yelling Jasper dropped the food on the table and ran to the kitchen. Rose and I right behind.

"BELLA STOP YELLING-"

"Oh my god all of you shut up!." Rose was louder then everyone. They shut up.

"Uncle Charlie we spoke to Carlisle already-" Rose started.

"No!" Bella screamed "NO NO NO!!! I'm not going to see a fucking shrink!"

"Bella it may help." Alice whispered.

"How the hell would you know! Have you ever been a suicidal emo!" Bella was screaming I walked up to her.

"She's right." I said. Everyone looked at me as if I was insane.

"Edward you have no idea what your talking about!" she snapped. I have a temper to Bella...but I'll stay quiet.

"Bella you're going!" Jasper yelled.

"NO! N.O NO!" She grabbed and bowl (with popcorn in it) and threw it on the floor. "I'M NOT GOING!"

"Bella calm down." Rose said. "Jasper, Charlie shh! Bella just calm down."

Bella glared at her. She looked pissed off. Then she knelt down in front of the (broken) glass bowl. Then picked up a piece of glass.

"Bella no." Rose said stepped forward slowly. "Bella it's not helping you."

"How would you know! None of you know!" I swear I saw everyone glance at me.

"Bella" I said.

"What Cullen! What the hell do you want?" I couldn't keep my temper in anymore.

"Do you know what I want! I want you to shut the hell up!" I screamed at her.

BPOV

"Do you know what I want! I want you to shut the hell up!" Edward screamed. Everyone was silent. I could barley hear them breathing.

"Why! Is my voice irritating! Huh Cullen!" I yelled back.

"Like hell it is! 'How would you know! None of you know!'" He mocked me "Guess what I KNOW!"

"Oh what do you know! You know that I LOVE DOING THIS!" I slowly put the glass against my wrist. Then in one quick movement made a cut on my wrist.

"Shit! Bella!" Rose said.

"Bella!" Jasper yelled. Charlie was silent. I saw Emmett and Alice watching Edward.

"It feels like you took 30 bags of coke (the drug) and drank a whole bottle of Vodka. Did I some it up right!" He was trying not to yell you could tell. **(That rhymed! lol)**

He was right. He took drugs? I have before, when I wasn't selling it. I was taking it, I had a fake ID for the alcohol.

"I..." I whispered. Edward smirked. I decided to do what I always did with jackasses.

"So you understand. Good for you." I took the bloody glass and threw it at his head. **(She forgot her meds people. I said this in chapter 3)**

It spun fast and flew foward. He barley dodged it. The glass hit the wall and stuck there. I took this chance to run upstairs.

"BELLA!" Jasper.

"EDWARD ARE YOU OKAY!" Alice.

"BELLA COME DOWN HERE NOW!" Charile.

"BELLS PLEASE!" Rose.

"ED YOU okay?!" Emmett.

"BELLA,BELLA,BELLA" Edward started I listened and everyone went silent.

"Nice shot." He called to me.

**Shorter but hey I think it's better.**

**At least I hope.**

**REVIEW!**


	6. Short but good

**I LOVED THE LAST LINE!**

**LOL**

**I DID! Everyone said they laughed but it was hard to be serious for sooooooooo long. lol**

**Disclaimer: I wish!**

EPOV

I heard Bellas door slam and I felt everyones eyes on me. I tried to ignore them while I started to the door. I now had a headache but she needed a reality check. 'Its not all about you' check.

"Edward" Charlie growled "thats not helping the situation." I turned to all of them and glared.

"She needed to hear that-"

"Excuse me Edward but you're not a doctor so your opinion doesn't matter at the moment." Jasper sat down and Alice sat on his lap. Rose was on the counter and Emmett was standing next to her. They've seen me fight with Charlie they knew when to back off.

"You're right it doesn't matter what I say. But I bet I helped her alot more then you'll be able to for weeks even months Charlie. Tell me when she's going to see Carlisle." Alice nodded and I stomped out the door.

Stupid cop.

BPOV

_"Do we have a deal Ms Swan?" I nodded involuntary. I needed the money...I could take the punishment._

_"Good. You stay here tonight. Tomorrow you start work." He smirked and walked out of the room._

_I sat down and let my tears fall down my face._

_God please help me. Please._

I woke up screaming and shaking. Jasper ran in with Rose on heels, Charlie was probably working early.

"Are you okay Bella?" Rose asked panicked. Jasper sat next to my bed and Rose sat on the edge of it. I nodded.

"Bella we're taking you to Carlisle." Jasper said. It was to early to argue so I nodded.

"I'm going to bed." Jasper stood up smiled and walked out. Rose looked at me.

"Did it help?" She whispered. What?

"What?" I whispered.

"Edward yelling. He said that...he could probably help you more then Carlisle." He wanted to help me? Did it?

I liked the feeling of him yelling at me. I like having someone who understood on my level. I could probably talk to him without feeling judged.

"Alittle" I whispered. She nodded.

"Until tomorrow." I nodded and she stood up.

"Goodnight Bells"

"Goodnight Rose."

I layed back as she closed the door, and went back into my dark memories.

The events that led to Katies death.

**Short! Getting ready 4 Twilight! Happy!!!!! **

**REVIEW PLEASE!!!**


	7. Before school

**Okay thanks 2 eveyone who liked the last chapter.**

**4 the U.S the movie came out the 21st.**

**Some hated it. But I personally thought they did great.**

**They only had 2 hours people! **

**Okay here's my chapter.**

**Disclaimer: i don't own the book or the movie. But I'm going to see it again and again. lol**

BPOV

Waking up was horrible.

Today I started Forks high School. I couldn't ditch here because it would get back to Charlie.

I hit my alarm until it listened and shut off, then I took a LONG shower. I needed it. Finally Jaspers annoying yelling got to me and I opened the door. After I blow dried my hair.

"Your turn Jazz." He frowned and went into the bathroom. I heard him mutter 'Two girls one bathroom damn' I laughed and ran into my room. I went into my suitcase because I didn't want to where bright colors today...or ever really.

Alice bought me great clothes that I'll wear eventually just not now. I wanted everyone to know who I was at school, I'm sure Rose and Jasper were saying nice things about me. That was before yesterday.

I put on dark jeans, they were looked black from afar. I black low-cut T shirt, and my favorite black choker. My hair was down in waves like normal.

I ran downstairs and saw Jasper and Rose waiting. There eyes widened at my appearance.

"Just get used to it kay?" Jasper shook his head and took out his cell. Rose walked over to me.

"That outfit is-"

"Matching I know." I was cranky I didn't mean to take it out on Rose.

"I was going to say cute. I'm not for all black but...it looks good on you." I smiled Rose never actually downed my clothes.

"I called Alice" Jasper said "She said they'd meet us at school." Rose nodded and I realized I would have to see Edward.

Jasper saw my stress.

"It'll be fine Bells. After school you're going straight to see Carlisle." I frowned but nodded.

School would be interesting and after...

This doctor won't get shit out of me. That's for sure.

EPOV

This morning was weird. Carlisle was asking about what happened with his 'new patient' this morning. Alice explained while Carlisle took notes and nodded. I wanted to laugh out loud.

Was that what he did with me? His own son. That's just unbelievable.

Now we were in the parking lot waiting for Roses BMW to pull up. I took this time to think about today.

How would she react to school? You could tell she would ditch in Phoenix. Would they judge her like they did me? Then the car pulled up. Rose wasn't smiling when she jumped out.

Jasper just slammed the door and walked over with Rose. Bella came out from the back with a large wicked grin. She had all black on even a black diamonded choker. Did she want to be judged?

"Hello everyone." Bella said. Jasper wrapped his arms around my sister and sighed.

"Bella" He warned. She ignored him and looked at me.

"Edward" I couldn't read her expression.

"Bella" She looked around and back at me.

"I need to talk to you. Now." She added with a glare. It said 'you better listen to me or more glass will be aimed at your head' I nodded and we walked over to the benches.

She turned and looked me in the eye. We didn't speak we just read each others eyes, sadness and something else. Then she spoke.

"Thank you" Then she turned and walked toward the office just as the bell rang. You could see the shock on my face, someone threw something at me and I turned to see Emmett holding sticks.

"Remember what Esme said about you being late Edward!" He called. I nodded and started to Spanish.

Maybe I should try and help her.

I could tell she secretly wanted it.

**Short again.**

**Murder is a sin! Don't kill me!**

**I hoped you liked it.**

**I make them short but sweet. Even though it's sad.**

**REVIEW!!**


	8. Bellas biography

**I'm tired.**

**Here ur chapter.**

**This story has captured my attention. lol**

**disclaimer: NO!**

BPOV

The car ride was horrible. Well for Jasper and Rose.

I personally thought it was funny how stupid they both can be.

_Carlisle can help you Bella._

_He's gone to school for psychology Bella_

_He'll be a great help Bella_

Bullshit.

Edward looked surprised when I thanked him. I didn't expect anyless. Now I'm going to 2nd period, I missed the whole period. Thats good for me I wasn't in the mood for history.

Now I'm going to English.

So far I've gotten glares from the bimbos, looks from the perverts and teachers have shaken there heads. This was fun.

I walked into English ready for anything except this...or him.

Edward.

He was in the middle of the class looking straight ahead. When he noticed me he straighted up and gave a small wave. I waved back and turned to Mr. Mason.

I was next to Edward...of course. When I sat down he looked at me but didn't say anything. I was about to when Mr. Mason called on me.

"Class we have a new student. Bella Swan, Bella please tell us about yourself." Edward looked at Mason and back at me. He raised an eyebrow; he knew what I had up my sleeve for my little biography. I stood up.

"We'll I'm Bella. Sadly I'm the chiefs daughter and Jasper Swans sister." I saw girls eyes go wide at my mean tone.

"I'm the cousin of Rosalie Hale and...I'm a mentally depressed emo that knows how to aim glass to about 9 feet in distance. Just ask Edward. And...I've done things to....drugs...money...s-"

"That's enough Miss Swan!" Mr. Mason yelled at me. Slamming his book on the desk. I smiled sweetly.

"And thats about it." I sat down and glanced at Edward. He looked as if surpressing a smile. Then a guy in front of us turned to look at Edward.

"She has a good aim." Was Edwards only reply. The guy turned around.

I smiled at Edward and he shook his head and grinned slightly.

I would have to talk to him after class.

For sure.

**Short again no murder please.**

**lmao**

**REVIEW PLEASE!**


	9. Edwards fights

**Merry Christmas.**

**Feliz Navidad**

**Whats up?**

**Ok...so....story time.**

**Disclaimer: No!**

EPOV

English was....funny as hell. I have a weird sense of humor. Girls looked scared and guys were...being jerks. Bella just sat down with no problem. Then Mr. Mason started class.

Bella didn't take notes. She just stared off into space; I noticed Mason looking our way so I nudged her. Shee jumped and shook her head. She looked at Mason and opened her book. But she was alittle late.

The bell rang and she jumped again. I laughed and she glared. I stood up.

"Are you sitting with us at lunch?" she stood up and thought about it.

"Well...no. I just explained to everyone that I'm a freak. Jasper and Rose would be embarrased to have me there. Normally I'd do it gladly but...I don't feel like dealing with people." I frowned.

I had thought the same thing. She had a hard tone in her voice as if it didn't bother her...but it looked like it did. I remember fighting in the parking lot last year. Alice was in tears while Emmett was yelling at me.

_Last year._

_"Edward please...just listen to Carlisle!" Alice was right behind me. I was going to my car._

_"Why should I!" I yelled back. I turned around to look at her._

_"Because he's our dad!" _

_"He's your dad damnit! Not mine!" I was screaming at her._

_"Shut the hell up Edward!" Emmett ran over with Rose and Jasper at his heels._

_"Go fuck your whore Emmett. I'm done." I opened the door to my Volvo._

_"Edward fuck! You need to stop this!" Alice was breaking down. I noticed everyone watching us._

_"No" My voice was harsh._

_"Why Edward? We care about you. You're our brother." I looked at her and Emmett._

_"My name is Edward Anthony...Masen. Not Cullen." I jumped in my car and slammed my door. And drove away from hell._

I looked at Bella and she looked back.

"What!" she spit at me.

"You're leaving." I could tell.

"I'm not letting Jasper take me to a doctor." she was pissed. I made a quick decision.

"I'm not letting you walk." Her face was priceless.

"what?"

"Let's just go before we get caught." she frowned but nodded.

I wonder if it will always be this easy?

Probably not.

**Short sorry.**

**Happy Holidays.**


	10. The past That affected them both

**No comment**

**Disclaimer: Yea I know.**

BPOV

Edwards messed up in the head. We walked out together and he went down the hall I followed against my will. But it was an easy way out of school.

"Where are we going?" I muttered. He stopped and took a breath.

"Forest" I gave him a look "no one goes there. It's quiet and better then this place." I nodded and started walking.

"So you think Jasper and Rose are embarrassed of you." He looked at me but didn't stop walking.

"I don't care what Mr. and Mrs. Perfect think." I snapped. He shook his head then stopped.

We were at a clearing and it was.... Too happy.

"Your wrong" I looked at him. "They aren't."

EPOV

She gave me a hard look and started her screaming.

"YOU NEED TO JUST BE QUIET!" I didn't understand that. So I just asked.

"What the hell are you screaming for?" She closed her mouth.

"I...don't even know." Okay?

"You don't believe me then?" I started "I thought the same thing. They aren't embarrassed they're more irritated."

"What? I don't care if they're mad. I'm not going to a fucken doctor. I might just screw him up." I laughed.

"Carlisle doesn't break." She gave me a 'sure' look. "He doesn't."

"I told him; I did crack, meth, weed and all of the above. That it gave me a great feeling and he couldn't stop me." I laughed. She got annoyed.

"And you didn't get arrested because?"

"He didn't believe me. He thought I was better then drugs. That shows how well he knew me."

"I thought your dad would."

"He's not my dad." Was my automatic answer. I sat down waiting for the question. She sat down next to me.

"I figured." I looked at her. She looked back but her mouth was in a tight line.

"I knew I'd seen you somewhere."

BPOV!

When I'd seen Edward I ignored the urge to run away and scream. He'd just confirmed what I had thought.

"What do you mean?" He asked. He didn't expect my answer.

"Your mother was Elizabeth Masen and your father was Edward Senior. You lived down the street next to Kates house. That only lasted until your dad got caught with... Well you know the rest." He really hadn't confirmed it but I knew I was right.

"Until my dad got caught selling drugs to some local kids around Phoenix. I was only seven." He looked at me and shook his head.

"What?"

"You seem...not angry." He commented.

"Your life.... seems as bad as mine."

"You have people that care about you Bella."

"So do you but that didn't stop you either."

"I did"

"But late" this stopped him from talking.

"I didn't mean...." I didn't know what to say. I was talking to him too much. This made me angry, something could slip. I didn't need that.

"What did you mean you'd seen me somewhere?" I sighed.

"We were seven; your dad took you out as a cover. He was selling to adults and teens blah blah. My step-dads friend was watching Kate and me."

"We were at the park and you were looking for your dad. Kate told me we should go help you. I didn't know if we should. Then I looked at our 'babysitter' talking to a guy who looked like you. So I ran up to you and said 'Are you looking for him?' You looked where I was pointing and said yes. Then ran over to your dad." I stopped and waited.

"Like father like son." He sighed "At least I didn't sell." I nodded.

"I...remember more because-"

"Because my mother was killed by an overdose recently." He stated blankly. I looked at the grass and nodded.

I almost slipped. Thank god I didn't.

EPOV

At least I didn't need to waste my breath with my story. After my dad was caught I was put up for adoption by my mother.

She said she wouldn't be able to take care of me. She lied. She made enough money selling the drugs they never had found.

She died a couple of months ago of an overdose. I didn't care at all. Esme and Carlisle have been my parents and I didn't need to remember Elizabeth. She made me what could have almost destroyed me.

"So Bella...." I didn't want the talking to stop. Jasper and Rose were going to kill me for having her out. I might I well die knowing something good about her.

"So...what Edward?" It looked like it took alot for her not to snap it at me. She's not very patient.

"How many guys have you dated?" This caused her to laugh. Not a haha funny laugh. A bitter not-happy laugh.

"None." That shocked me.

"None?" She shook her head. "Okay..."

"What about you Mr. I Can Make Any Girls Head Spin. How many girls have you dated?" I shook my head.

"That's not an answer."

"Girls don't tend to want to date guys who have tried to kill themselves."

"Guys don't tend to want to be near a girl that can kick their ass." I looked at her.

"I don't mind."

"Who said I did either."

**Well??????????**

**I tried. I'm happy. :)**


	11. Meadow talks

**Heyyyyyy**

**:)**

**DIsclaimer: nope**

BPOV

We stayed in the meadow for the rest of the day. I didn't want to go back to school or to see Dr Cullen. Edward didn't make me, he understood that Carlisle couldnt help me.

Edward laid back and I did too. I felt calm...tired. School was almost over and Jasper wasn proabably really mad. I didn't care he didn't get it. Rose and Jasper didn't understand how to deal with it. Only Edward understood.

Yes Cullen irritates me to no end. The thing is he gets it. He understands the feeling the freedom of it all. He knows that I act this way to cover how I really feel. The fact that I'm a dissapointement to everyone. That I let those people take my life away. I let them ruin everything I had. Just because of what happened. My mistakes.

"Bella" I looked at Edward. He looked straight back at me. I couldnt hate Edward he helped me.

"Hm?" I didn't want to talk. I was tired.

"Jaspers going to kill me." He stated. I laughed.

"Thats your own fault. You didn't have to ditch with me." He shook his head.

"So you go and have all the fun well I pretend to pay attention?" I nodded.

"Yep" He thought.

"You wouldve gone to La Push."

"They have cliff diving." I responded.

"And drugs." We both went silent. We just looked at each other.

"I havent taken any for months."

"Neither have I." I sighed and sat up.

"What kind of music do you like?" I wanted a new subject. He sat up too.

"Everything. Some more then others." I decided to question him.

"Evanescence?" He smiled.

"Yeah." Okay next.

"Um...Linkin Park?" He nodded.

"Acceptable."Okay now what...um....

"What about Bullet for my Valentine? The band Jasper hates." I laughed.

"I like them. Alice hates them just as much as Jasper." Well of course she did.

"They haven't even listened to them. They don't give music a chance." He nodded.

"Alice will listen for a second and will them say if its 'too loud'". Again of course.

"Crazy pixie." I liked Alice all in all though. She was nice to me.

"Rose is going to kill me. Shes worse then Jasper she'll think I made you ditch." I looked at him. Rose was like my sister.

"I'll tell her it was my idea Edward." He nodded.

"Bella...why...are you so close to Rose?" I took a breath.

"She was the closest thing to a mother I had. My mom is...everything I dont want to be. I look like her yes...but I'm nothing like her and I want it to stay that way. But I still need someone...to talk too. Rose is that and always has been that for me."

Edward didnt say anything. I didnt expect him too. So we stayed silent...until I heard music.

EPOV

After Bella told me about her relationship with Rose I stayed quiet. We both did until my phone went off.

_Ready set go_

_Its time to run_

_the sky is changing we are one_

_together we can make it_

_while the world is crashing down_

_dont turn around._

It was Jasper. I didn't answer.

"Tokio Hotel?" Bella asked. I nodded.

"Its been an I guess obsession song lately." She nodded.

"I like that song. My ringtone is Tears Dont Fall. **(Bullet for my valentine for those how dont know that song)**

"You have a cell phone?" She nodded.

"I didn't tell Jasper though. Only you know." I nodded. Before I could say anything Bella took out her phone and gave it to me. I just looked at her as she took mine.

"You know you wanted my number." She put hers in my phone and tried to hide her smile. I decided to give her my number.

"I did want your number by the way." I told her when she gave me back my phone. She smirked.

I didn't say anything. I looked at Bella for a minute and she spoke.

"They...wanted you to help me." She stated. I nodded. "You...didnt...want to help me?" I shook my head.

"I...can try. No one can really stop you. I can only listen. No one truly can help you. I had to stop myself. You have to do the same." She sighed.

"Its getting dark?" She said it like a question. It was about 5. We had been talking forever.

"We should go." She nodded and we started to walk back.

BPOV

We walked back to school. Edwards Volvo was there and that was the only car there.

We drove back listening to music. He wanted to get Tokio Hotel out of his head and I let him. After that I had full control of the radio.

Music calmed me down. I needed to be calm-it kept me sane.

Edward and I didn't talk. We knew were both in for alot of yelling. Jasper and Rose will be pissed. Carlisle would probably be mad that he didnt get to analyze me.

Charile would blame Edward. I would yell at Charlie, Charlie would yell back. Rose would tell us to shut up. I'd yell why we ditched because I didnt want to see Carlisle. Jasper and Charlie would say I need too. I would go off. Rose would tell them they weren't helping. Edward then would help me somehow.

Thats just how it is.

~A few hours later~

I wasn't wrong. It pretty much went that way. Yelling, screaming, almost getting grounded. After about 15 mintues Carlisle left with Edward. I expected that.

In the end everyone knew it was my idea and Edward was just watching me. Though he's in trouble for ditching says Carlisle even if it was just to watch me.

Now here I am. Its about 8 and Im bored. I don't want to go downstairs. Dinner was awkward enough and Edward was right. Rose did blame him I didnt want to deal with that. Rose and I never fight-I don't want to start now.

Suddenly my phone went off. It was from Edward.

_Im surprising not grounded :) hbu?_

I smiled and sighed. This wasn't right. I can't get to close to him...to late.

_They tried and failed. So I'm not grounded either. _

He texted back fast.

_I'm bored._

Haha nice. Damn I need to stop this.

_Me too._

I can't stop this though. Talking to him is a good distraction.

_I got Tokio Hotel outta my head. It was replaced with Bring Me to Life._

Okay.

_Interesting. Not really. lol._

Again he had a quick responce.

_Meanie :)_

I had a comeback to that.

_Who said I was nice? :)_

_

* * *

_

**Okay?**

**Acceptable?**

**I hope so **

**Review=love :)**


	12. Understanding

**Hey again.**

**Um...this story was getting too ha****ppy.**

**Edward is helping.**

**But its not as easy as I'm making it look.**

**EPOV again soon.**

**this chapter is...I dont know.**

**Something...just happened again that made me think of this story so here it is.**

**Disclaimer: You already know this**

BPOV

_"Bella? Bella honey please open the door." I heard Renee ask for the hundredth time today. I didn't move; I continued to cry. _

_"Bella please sweetie?" I shook my head. I couldn't stand another minute in this horrible hell known as a home. I had no where to go though._

_I wanted to go to Kates...but...only her parents were there._

_She was gone._

_It was my fault._

_I continued to cry. Not caring or moving. It had been this way since I came home that night. They found her body the next day. _

_Her parents couldn't believe the 'gang volience' around here. They also had no idea it had anything to do with me. That made it worse._

_I haven't moved in days. I had no reason to live. Kate kept me sane...now I really had no one._

"Bella? Bella wake up." I opened my eyes and looked up at Rose. I was crying in my sleep.

"Rose" I whispered. My tears hadn't stopped. She looked down at me and I sat up a little. She hugged me and I kept crying.

"Shh Bella. Its okay. Your okay." I then became angry. No one understood. That was the problem! I didn't want to be okay! I didn't deserve it.

"It's all my fault Rose..." She stroked my hair. I kept quiet.

This was what Edward hadn't understood. Rose was to them...nothing but a bitch. To me...she was the mother I never had.

Before my parents divorced. Jasper and I were forced to hear them fight. Rose would come over with her parents and she'd let me cry.

Jasper would just watch. he wouldn't speak. He felt worse then everyone. He blamed himself.

Rose was there for me. That's why I love her so much.

"Bella...please talk to Carlisle..."

"Rose please." She stopped and listened to me.

"Can...can I just talk to Edward?" she looked at me and nodded slowly.

EPOV

The next morning was quiet. Alice and Emmett understood what I was trying to do for Bella. Carlisle didn't...Esme didn't let him ground me though.

We all perked up when Roses BMW pulled up. Jasper and Rose didn't look upset. Bella however...looked dead. Her eyes were red as if she'd been crying. Rose and Jasper walked over.

"What happened?" Alice asked. Jasper shrugged. He said ask Rose. We all looked at her.

"Bella..." She bit her lip "is...upset. I know is obvious. I found her crying in her sleep last night. She had a bad dream. Not a nightmare just a bad dream. I...just wish...she could think...of a different way..." She trailed off.

"She did it again?" Jasper asked. I knew what they were talking about. She nodded. Jasper looked upset then.

"Jasper cool it." I said. He looked at me.

"Why does she do this to herself? Answer me that. She shouldn't hurt herself the way she does. Its not healthy." I nodded. Then I walked over to where Bella was sitting.

She hadn't moved that far. She sat on the benches were stood by yesterday. I sat down next to her.

"Bella?" I moved a strand of hair away from her face. She looked up at me. She had her arm close to her stomach.

"Is your arm okay? Did you wrap it up in anything?" She nodded and slowly released her arm.

She had a sweater on today to I had to roll up the sleeve to look at the cut.

It went from her wrist all the way up her arm. Up to her elbow. I sighed. She had wrapped the part on her wrist.

"Does it sting?" I asked. She smiled sadly.

"Yes. I'm glad it does too." I nodded in understanding. She looked me in the eyes for a few moments.

Her eyes...looked as if searching. Searching...for understanding.

I didn't say anything. She then spoke again.

"Thank you." She suddenly stood up and walked away.

Leaving me there.

BPOV

History put me to sleep. Well it almost did.

I sat down and glared at everyone that stared. This morning after I left Edward I heard alot of rumors. About me.

I'm the scary hot emo girl. Apparently its odd for me to have Edward Cullens attention. I really don't care.

I waited for class to start and I had my Ipod with me. I didn't pay attention to the song that came on.

_Seems like yesterday __when I saw your face_

_You told me how proud were but I walked away_

_If I only I knew_

_What I knew today_

_I would hold you in my arms_

_I would take the pain away_

_Thank you for all you've done_

_Forgive all your mistakes_

Suddenly a girl tapped my shoulder. I turned off my Ipod.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "Um class is starting." I nodded and tried to pay attention. Really I was trying to start my tears from forming again.

EPOV

After first period more rumors flew around.

Bella apparently started crying toward the end of class.

She didn't talk to anyone but I did hear Angela Weber said something to her. So I went to find her.

"Angela" I smiled she was nice.

"Edward." She closed her locker and waited for me to tell her what I wanted.

"What happened with Bella this morning?" I asked. She shrugged.

"She was sitting in class. Glaring at the wall. She was listening to her Ipod when I walked in. We didn't talk or anything. I just told her class was starting and she turned off her Ipod." I nodded. She probably heard a song that upset her.

I walked to class expecting Bella from yesterday. The angry, annoyed Bella I was getting used too. Instead I found...a broken Bella.

She sat there quiet with her Ipod again. I took my seat and watching her.

"Hey Edward" She whispered. Her Ipod wasn't on like I thought it would be.

"Bella" She looked at her desk. "Bella what happened?"

"A lot" I shook my head.

"I know Bella." She didn't respond. She started looking angry. I didn't say anything.

BPOV

English wasn't interesting.

Edward tried to talk to me. I said nothing really.

My next two classes were math and Spanish. Those were very boring.

Finally lunch came.

When I walked in many people stared. I heard people mutter if I was going to ditch again.

No one bothered talking about Edward so I'm thinking he did that a lot before.

I sat down across from Rose and Emmett. Jasper was on Alices left I was on her right. Edward was just walking in.

"How was class this morning Bella?" Alice asked. She didn't like the awkward silence.

"Tiring, boring...it was class." Alice nodded taking a sip of water. No one talked again. It was awkward finally i got tired of it.

"Okay since I can tell no one wants to talk because I'm here. I'll just leave." I didn't yell. I said it in a loud voice but no I didn't yell.

I stood up and everyone watched me. I didn't care. I turned and started walking to Biology.

EPOV

Bella stormed off and I frowned.

"This isn't getting any better." Jasper stated. Alice took his hand. He looked at her.

"How did you two deal with this?" Jasper was asking Emmett and Alice now. Rose looked at me and then at Emmett.

"We...just dealt with it." Emmett said.

"We tried...thats all we could do. We loved him and let him have his space. We couldn't stop him." Alice looked at me with a sad smile.

"Carlisle made it worse in my opinion." Everyone looked at Emmett in shock.

"What do you mean?" Rose asked. I just listened.

"Well...Edward seemed more...angry each time Carlisle said something." Alice agreed quietly. I stood up.

"I'm going to go before I have to hear you talk more about me." Alice mouthed sorry. I nodded and walked off to Biology.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wasn't surprised at all to see Bella in my class. She of course had to sit next to me. I sat down quietly again.

"Hey Bella." She smiled at me.

"Hey" She bit her lip and then more students started walking in. She handed me a note. (Bella bold Edward bold italics)

**Edward. I'm sorry for everything today. I'm acting really...well depressed and I want to apologize for that. I can tell you're trying to talk to me like yesterday. I just don't have anything to say or know how to start for that matter.**

**_Bella. You don't need to apologize for being upset. You have every right to be upset. And you can talk to me when your ready. Really I had no one to talk to...so I have no idea how it is to have someone try and talk to you. Well I do get that but its probably different. I'm doing everything completely different from the way Carlisle will do it._**

**How did Carlisle try and talk to you?**

**_He would make me come to his office everyday. He would ask me questions. Mostly about my dad. You know how that subject is...well hard to talk about._**

**_Everyday it got worse. Carlisle right away thinks he knows the problem. I'm not trying to down Carlisle hes my dad and I love him. He just needs to learn not to assume._**

**He thought your dads mistakes were the problem.**

**_Exactly. He thought I blamed myself for my dad. Really my problem...was I felt like I didn't belong in his family. _**(A/N carlisles family)

**Edward you are much a part his family as Alice and Emmett.**

**_I know now. I just didn't know then. I saw myself as a monster that had no one. I really thought this at the time. I began to really really believe this Bella. It wasn't...normal._**

**What...exactly did you do?**

**_Besides the obvious. I began to call myself under my dads name. I was Edward Anthony Masen and that's it. Cullen didn't exist to me anymore._**

**Oh...**

**_I'm sorry for telling you this Bella. I shouldn't have_**

**Its fine Edward. It...I dont know for some reason helps me understand you more.**

**_I want to understand you more Bella. Seeing you like this...it hurts everyone._**

**Everyone?**

**_Rose, Jasper. Even Emmett and Alice. Bella it hurts me._**

The bell rang suddenly. We both jumped.

Bella looked at the note and then put it away. I stood up and she did too.

Before I knew what she was doing she was next to me.

"Edward" She started "you have no idea what your getting yourself into."

"Bella. I don't care." She shook her head and walked out of class.

BPOV

_"Bella? Open up this door now" Renee was getting impatient. I still didn't move._

_"Please go away." I whispered to myself. Finally my mom was smart and used her key._

_"Bella" she sat down next to me on the ground._

_"Please leave me alone." I was still crying. I wrapped my arms around my knees._

_"Bella...I have to tell you something." I didn't look at her._

_"I'm sending you back to Forks." My eyes widened, but i didn't look at her._

_"Really?" I asked quietly. _

_"Yes" _

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

After gym I walked to the parking lot. It was crowded and everyone seemed happy. I sighed and walked over to Edwards Volvo.

Rose and Jasper were talking to Alice and Emmett. Edward just stood there. I walked over next to him.

"Hey. Again." He smiled at me.

"Hey. Again." I smiled back. He looked at me for a moment and then held his arm out. He wanted to know if it was okay. He wanted to hold me. Well at least he was asking. I nodded and rested my head his chest.

He wrapped his arm around my waist slowly. I let him. I needed someone to be there. I was glad it was Edward.

"Edward" I whispered looking up at him.

"Yes?" He looked back at me.

"Have you ever felt so...alone? So out of place that you would do anything to feel whole again?" The question surprised him but he answered.

"Yes" He looked at me tentivly.

"Edward...I made a mistake. A big mistake that caused all of this. It...caused everything..." I choked back a sob and looked down.

"Bella." I looked back up. "How big of a mistake?" I sighed.

"One that will follow me for the rest of my life."

EPOV

"Bella" We stopped looking at each other and looked at Jasper. He was giving me a 'you better watch it Cullen' look. I let Bella go and she stepped away from me.

"Well we should be going." Thank you Rose. She grabbed Bella and they started walking to her BMW. Jasper looked at me for another moment and then said goodbye to Alice.

When there car was out of sight Emmett started talking.

"Well damn. Alice i think your boyfriends gonna try and kill our bro over here." Alcie laughed alittle.

"Edward." She started "I love you and I'm glad your helping Bella. Just...be careful." Everything she said she said in a nice way. Except for the 'be careful'

"What do you mean?" I asked. She looked at me with a serious face.

"You...just need to watch who you fall in love with."

* * *

**Okay.**

**Alice thinks Edward is falling for Bella**

**Shes right. **

**Um I have othing else to say so please review! lol :)**


	13. Fights

**Hey**

**well...idk.**

**I need to write.**

**Disclaimer: Alice knows all! She agrees I don't own anything.**

BPOV

Going home was really annoying.

I mean the day was hard enough. Now Jasper getting all mad over nothing was really irritating.

"Oh my god just shut up Jasper!" I yelled. Rose was driving and she looked at me threw the rear-view mirror. Jasper had been giving me a speech on how I should watch who I hang out with.

"Seriously Bella. You don't know what he did. He's a decent guy now, but he put Alice and Emmett threw hell-"

"I know that. I know what he did. I know why he did it. I know who his goddamn dad is too! Anything else you don't think I know!" Jasper was silent.

I looked back at Rose and she nodded at me. She didn't think I was out of line. Now I know how her and Alice are friends. They let things happen.

They both seem strong and are strong, but they know when to but out.

"Jasper" I whispered "just let me have this. Let me have something." I saw him nod slowly.

"Thank you."

EPOV

When we got home I was still confused.

I wasn't in love with Bella. No...I couldn't.

She was to broken. Yes I'm using Jasper words but hey its true.

"Hi mom" Emmett said as we all walked into the kitchen. Esme smiled at all of us. Alice skipped to her side and asked were Carlisle was.

"In his office as per usual. You can go talk to him if you want too. You know he doesn't mind if you interrupt." Alice nodded and bounced away. I watched her the whole time.

She couldn't be right. Could she?

"Edward how was your day?" Esme had no one else to talk to since Emmett ran off somewhere.

"Fine. I didn't do any damage. I just..." I didn't know what to tell her.

"You should bring Bella by. I know you want too and I would love to meet her. I mean you and Alice seem very fond of her. I know Emmett already thinks of her as a sister." I just stared. How did she know I was thinking of Bella?

"Shes...like me. Like what I was mom." Esme looked at me for a long moment. I hadn't called her mom for awhile.

I stopped when I went...when I changed. Then when Elizabeth died I didn't have the heart too. I was to angry to say the word 'mom'

She suddenly hugged me. I swear she had tears in her eyes. When she let me go she smiled.

"Bella...seems strong willed." I laughed.

"She is but how do you know?"

"Only a girl like that could hold your attention this long." I grinned alittle.

"I guess so. She's...been threw a lot." I sighed.

"And she doesn't want to see Carlisle?" I nodded. "Well...then your going to help. I know you. You're my son." I smiled "you're going to help her. Its just how you are." I nodded. Then my phone went off on the counter.

Esme gave me her mother look and let me check the text. It was Bella.

_Jasper is so...UGH. God I'm so irritated. Please distract me b4 I do something stupid. _

I just stared. What did Jasper do? Something stupid? Well hell.

_When I was little I wanted to be a power ranger._

I laughed at myself.

_Hahahahaha why??? Which one? I liked the red one._

I smiled. Distracting her wasn't hard.

_Because they were 'super kool' at the time. The red one actually i'm glad you aprove. :)_

_From: Bella_

_Ur so weird._

I laughed out loud. Yeah I'm the weird one.

BPOV

When we got home Jasper stalked off. Rose stayed with me for awhile.

We went into the kitchen and we talked about dinner. She said no take-out and I agreed. I could tell she was forcing herself to talk about food. She wanted to know why I wanted to talk to Edward so much. Even though I already told her why.

"Rose I told you why already." She sighed.

"Who two...just seem to comfortable." I was trying so hard not to snap.

On the way home I had texted Edward. He made me smile. I was so mad at Jasper on the way here. Now...Rose is...ugh. Im never mad at her.

"What do you mean?" It took alot not to get mad.

"Just...Bella...he's here to help you. Its...like...he's not allowed to have...any other type of relationship with you. Thats what Jaspers worried about."

Another type of relationship? Are they saying I'm not allowed to like Edward?

"I can't like him." I stated. She nodded.

"Rose...I already do."

~About an hour later~

Rose had no comment to my confession. She just gave me a sad smile and went to her room.

Now I'm in my room. Staring at the box of pictures that was still in here. I decided to look through it.

One was of me, Rose, and Jasper. It was about two years ago. I decided to skip all the old pictures. So instead I found...recent ones actually. I was surprised to see them.

Rose and Emmett by his Jeep. Alice and Jasper. Edward?

You could barely tell it was him. He looked the same...but different. He was sitting on 'our' bench in front of the school. He had dark jeans and a normal t-shirt. It was his expression.

It was hurt...alone. He had that look.

It then made me angry. How he was all alone and how they had the nerve to take this picture of him.

I found more. Alice and Rose in the kitchen. Edward was sitting at the table next to them. He wasn't smiling.

That was the last of those pictures. After that all I found was pictures of Alice, Rose, Jasper and Emmett.

"Well what the hell?" I asked myself. Suddenly someone knocked on my door.

"Yes?" I asked. Alice surprisingly walked in.

"Hi Bella. We're staying for dinner again." We?

"All of you?" She nodded.

"My parents, Edward and Emmett will be here later." Okay.

"Sure" Alice saw what I was doing and said something.

"Edward got rid of his pictures. Most of them that is. Well that's what he'll tell you if you ask. He still has them. We all know he does." I looked at her.

"What are the pictures of?"

"Just him. He looks...worse then that picture right there." She pointed to Edward on the bench. I nodded.

I didn't say anything after that. I pretended like Alice wasn't there. She eventually left to go find Rose. I would say sorry later.

I had a lot on my mind. Why would he keep those pictures? I would just have to ask.

EPOV

When we got to the Swans/Hales house I wasn't surprised to hear some type of yelling. Its what I always heard when it came to this house. My parents just looked at each other. Emmett just sighed.

"What do you think is wrong this time?" I shrugged. Esme and Carlisle followed Emmett and I into the house. We didn't knock; what was the point?

"This CAN'T HAPPEN ALICE!"

"Well IT'S TO LATE FOR THAT JASPER! YOU KNOW I'M ALWAYS RIGHT!" What the hell?

We all just stood there and stared. Rose walked over to us with a sad smile on her face. She took us into the kitchen where Charlie was. Bella was probably upstairs.

"What's going on?" Esme asked. We all wanted to know. I mean it was Jasper and Alice for godsake.

"Jasper is...upset with Alice. She's...well...she encouraging Bella..." Charlie suddenly stopped talking and glared at the counter.

"To do what? I mean its our Alice she probably has good reason...?" Esme started but stopped when Rose gave her a look. We listened to Alice and Jasper again.

"ALICE REALLY! DO YOU THINK THIS IS GOOD FOR HER? WHY? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!" When Alice replied she sounded really hurt.

"Jasper" She was done yelling.

"No matter what you say. No matter what you do. Bella will have the last word. She will choose what she wants and I know that he will return her feelings. We can all see somethings there. He may not see it yet. She may think of it as a crush, but we know how its going to end." She sounded so calm, but...hurt.

"Alice" Jasper sighed.

"Jasper. I'm...going to go get some air." We heard her walk toward the front door but she suddenly stopped.

"Don't follow me" Then we heard the door slam. I had never heard her sound so angry. It...wasn't normal.

"What happened Rosalie?" Carlisle asked. We knew when he called her by her full name he was upset as well.

"Dad" Emmett went to stand next to his girlfriend.

"Emmett. Its just a question. What could make Alice so angry?" Jasper walked into the and sat down. Not even bothering to look up. Rose...decided to say something.

"Alice...as we know is always right." She started.

"She can't be now. She can't." Jasper interrupted quietly.

"Bella...admitted having feelings for someone. And...well...Alice says she loves him."

"She can't. Not now." Jasper said again.

"Edward...please understand. We love you...but...it's not right-"

"Especially not now." Jasper added. He was looking straight at me.

"She's fragile. She needs someone to depend on. She not completely in her right state of mind-"

"Sometimes you aren't either. I told you she was to broken and then I see you holding her. What was up with that?" Jasper was kinda annoyed and shocked at the same time. I just stared at the floor.

"Edward...please don't be upset." Rose said. I looked up and then looked at everyone. Esme and Carlisle were looking at each other. Having a silent conversation. Emmett was shaking his head. At Rose not me.

Jasper well...was glaring. Charlie was staying out of it.

"I'm not. I'm more annoyed at the fact you don't trust me. Jasper I was comforting her okay? We've been friends forever I wouldn't do anything like that without talking to you first. I wouldn't take advantage of Bella! She's...to special. And...I have to go." I left without another word.

When I was outside I saw Alice. She was sitting on the steps. I sat next to her.

"I was right." It wasn't a question because we both knew the answer.

"Your never wrong Alice." I stood up and headed to my Volvo.

BPOV

This was my fault.

I got Alice and Jasper to fight. I didn't think that was even possible.

They're so in love its insane. I never thought they'd fight. I never thought I'd hear Alice yell, but I did.

Then I had to hear Rose tell everyone why they fought. Why Alice walked out on Jasper. Though she candy-coated it.

She forgot to mention the part where Jasper said Edward wasn't good enough for me.

That's why Alice really left.

She loved Jasper. But her love for her brother, adopted or not, was still stronger. Family came first.

Rose won't lie to Emmett. She'll tell him later everything and he'll leave too.

It will be my fault.

Its all my fault.

I shouldn't be here.

I really shouldn't.

* * *

**Well?**

**Idk I needed a distraction.**

**I have alot going on.**

**So there it is.**

**Review?**


	14. Love?

**Hey.**

**I made a stupid mistake.**

**So...yeah igot an idea.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these awesome characters.**

BPOV

_"Bella you know you can't do this anymore." Kate sighed._

_"I know" I didn't look at her. I couldn't. She thought it was easy to get out of. "Its...not going to be easy. No one just leaves. Kate I can't just stop."_

_"I know....Bella I think were going to have to...leave."_

_"We?"_

_"There's no way in hell I'm leaving you alone."_

_"Thanks Kate"_

_"No problem"_

_

* * *

_

The next morning was torture. I was right.

After dinner Rose took Emmett aside and told him everything. He left right after.

I didn't see Rose all night. Now were driving to school and I see hurt in both Rose and Jaspers eyes. I had separated them from who they loved. Just because I had a little crush on Edward.

Jasper being the idiot he is, based everything on Edwards past. What about me! I was just as bad. Hell I still am.

Rose parked and didn't say anything. Jasper looked around and sighed. Alice and Emmett were standing around acting like nothing happened. Edward looked over at us and said something to Alice.

She looked at Jasper. He looked back. Then she walked away. I heard Jasper mumble under his breathe.

"Lets just get today over with okay?" Rose sounded sad. I couldn't blame her. When we got out of the car I deiced to say something.

"I'm sorry. I know...I'm just sorry." They both nodded but they really didn't care. When they walked away I just stood. Well if they don't want me here maybe i should just go!

"Bella!" Edward called me over. I just stood. Would they get mad? Why do I care? I shook my head and walked over.

"Edward. Emmett" Emmett nodded and looked at Rose. He sighed.

"I still love her. I hope she knows that." He mumbled and then he walked to his locker. Again this is MY FAULT.

"I can't believe I did this" Edward looked at me.

"What? How could you have caused this? If I would have listened to Jasper..."

"What?" What had Jasper told him?

"When you fell asleep...he told me not now. That...you were to broken..."

"So what! I can do as I please! He can't tell me who I can care about! Who I want-" I stopped myself. It's just a crush. A crush thats killing everyone.

"You care about me?" He asked. His eyes seemed to sparkle.

"I don't know." I mumbled. This was weird. He still didn't know. If anything were to happen he would have to know.

"Well I know I care about you." I just stared at him. Seriously?

"Um...Edward..." God I hate this feeling! Being so venerable!

"I can't deal with this." I glared at him. Then I just walked away. I wasn't in control of this. I needed some kind of control.

EPOV

Was Alice wrong? No she never was.

Bella never backed down. She didn't like to be weak.

Love to her was being weak.

Letting someone have all of you. Letting someone know everything; letting someone have a certain effect on you.

To her it was weakness.

She looked angry. I needed to find Alice.

I went into the school and looked around. I found Alice leaning against her locker. I wasn't surprised to see her staring endlessly Jasper. His locker was a few down from her. They both looked so lost.

"Alice" I stood next to her on her right. She didn't turn around. She kept looking at Jasper. I saw tears in her eyes.

"Alice. Bella ran away from me" I heard her sigh.

"Edward" She turned around "I'm sure you know why" I nodded "Edward; you and Bella caused this chaos. You blame yourself, she blames herself. Really its because of both of you. You too are what will fix this. By this I mean everything." I just looked at her.

My sister was in pain. I could see it in her eyes, but she was going to leave it alone. She wasn't going to try and get Jasper back. She was going to wait for us. For Bella and I to fix us. That to her would fix them, and Emmett and Rose.

"What if it doesn't work?" She wasn't looking at me. Her gaze was back on Jasper. "Alice"

"It will" Was here response.

"What if it doesn't? Alice you should be with Jasper. No matter what happens with Bella and I." She shook her head. I saw some tears roll down her face.

"He hasn't been happy Edward. He loves Bella and has been scared for her. I tried to reassure him it would be fine. He wouldn't listen to me. Then...I saw what was happening. She is happy with you around. She lets down her wall around you. I knew he'd be happy that she was happy. He just...doesn't think you'll make her happy."

I couldn't believe Jasper had Alice in so much pain. She thinks it will be okay. Just as long as Bella and I follow threw and end up happy together, but what if we don't?

"Alice. Shh Alice" I hugged her. She sobbed.

"This is why Bella thinks love is weak." An idea popped into my head.

"I have an idea. This will help Bella see...its strong. Not weak at all." She looked at me and understood my idea.

"Rose and Emmett" I nodded.

"They're stronger then all of us"

BPOV

_"I'm so sorry Kate" I looked at her as she dropped all of her bags._

_"You didn't know they'd come for you today. That's why we were going to leave. You said it would be tomorrow"_

_"I...had a horrible feeling."_

_"Hey! We see ya Bells and your friend!" We both turned and looked at him. He was walking over with everyone._

_"We need to go" Kate stated. I looked at her._

_"On the count of 3 we run." She nodded._

_"1..." She whispered._

_"2..." I could hardly breathe._

_"3!" Then we ran._

* * *

Edward ditched English. It was surprising. I mean seriously Edward wouldn't ditch. He's so dead when Carlisle finds out. Oh well. Why do I care?

Math and Spanish bored me. I was good at both subjects so they didn't matter. Now lunch.

Ah lunch. Were everyone would see the separation of couples.

Rose and Emmett- separated

Alice and Jasper- Really separated

Edward and I- separated

Wait did I just refer to Edward and I as a couple? Hell.

I walked into lunch and saw Alice. She was standing with a water bottle in her hand. Her eyes were puffy and she looked nervous. I walked over to her. She was still talking to me right?

"Alice? Are you alright?" She looked at me and plastered a fake smile.

"Peachy" I looked over and saw Edward and Emmett. They were sitting alone at a table. So was Rose and Jasper. I looked at Alice again and I noticed her whispering.

"This can't stay this way" I then realized the whole cafeteria was whispering about us. Trying to find out what happened. I kept hearing about Alice. I decided to do something. Alot of people were staring at Alice.

"Take at damn picture! It'll last longer!" Everyone turned back and stopped staring. Alice turned to me.

"Thanks" I nodded.

"Its the least I can do. This is all my fault anyway" I wasn't going to lie to her. She knew my feeling for her brother. Even though I was trying to get rid of them.

"Its not-nevermind. My head hurts from telling Edward this already." I shook my head.

"Where was he 2nd period?"

"With me. We both...needed time." I nodded.

"Lets...sit together? I mean..away from...everyone." I didn't want to be near Edward. She didn't want to be near Jasper. So...we sat next to Angela and her boyfriend. Angela was the girl that sat next to me in history.

We sat down silently. I wasn't hungry and Alice said she felt sick. So we just listened to other people conversations. Clearing our heads I guess. Then I saw Emmett get up. Alice looked at him too. A small smile on her lips.

"Edward can fix anything." I didn't get what she meant by that. So I just watched.

EPOV

"So Bella doesnt want to talk to you either?" I nodded at Emmett. He grunted. "Alice still upset?" I nodded. Then looked at him.

"Rose misses you" I stated. He gave me a look.

"How do you know?" I sighed at his stupidity.

"Look at her dammit. She has Alices look. Except she's locking her tears in. Em you left last night because of what she told you. She told you what Jasper said. If your going to be mad be mad at him! She loves you so much she told you everything. The complete truth."

He just stared at me.

"Why are you pushing this so hard?" He whispered.

"Because I know you both. It took you forever to ask Rose out. It took so many things to get you both to how you are now. Which is happy. You too love each other so much. This...this thing between everyone...is because of Bella and I. Jasper is staying in his mood and isn't backing down. Rose is sitting there because they're blood, but I knwo she wants to be here. With you." He looked at me again. Then at Rose. Then at Alice and Bella.

"This is for her isn't it?" I gave him a confused look. "I'm smarted then you think Edward. Whats going on?" I sighed.

"Bella thinks...love is weak. I want her to know it's not. But she doesn't have a good view on relationships." He then got it.

"Why not pick Alice and Jasper to fix her view?"

"Because...Jasper...sadly...doesn't want anything to do with us right now. By us I mean the Cullen family. He doesn't want to be near Alice." He looked down.

"I love Rose. She didn't do anything...and I can't believe I'm still sitting here." I didn't understand until he stood up. "Thanks" He mumbled and then he walked over to Rose.

I noticed Bella watching with a look of shock. Alice had a smile. The whole cafeteria watched Emmett and was quiet.

"Rose" Emmett stood next to her. She looked up. Jasper was sitting across from her and he was silent.

"Yeah?" She sounded horrible. She sounded sad. He knelt down so his face was right in front of hers.

"I'm sorry. Rose..I don't know why I left like I did. I was angry...it's not your fault. I don't know why I blamed you." She looked down.

"I do think Edward is good enough for Bella. Emmett...I just think...they need to slow it down." He grinned alittle.

"Well Jasper will be glad to know Bellas not speaking to him." Rose gave a weirdly annoyed look. She wants her to talk to me?

"Why?"

"She scared" She had no comment. Then she got it.

"Of love"

"And everything that comes with it. She doesn't believe in it." Rose stood up and Emmett did too.

"I love you Emmett Cullen" She said it loud. Everyone heard. "I'm sorry" She whispered that part.

"I love you too Rosalie Hale" Then he grabbed her and kissed her. I looked at Bella. She ahd a look of shock on her face.

What is she thinking?

BPOV

"Alice you too planned this." I accused. She looked at me.

"What?" Trying to play dumb wont work.

"You fixed them just to get me to...think its okay."

"Its okay to be happy Bella!"

"I can't be happy."

"Why?"

"Because of everything I've done!"

"Bella it doesn't matter what you did! Drugs..alcohol! You can get past that!" everyone in the cafeteria was now staring at us instead of Rose and Emmett.

"That's not all I did! Things I did involved so much more!" I was so mad. With that I ran out of the cafeteria.

I ran until I was so far in the forest no one could find me. **(The forest as you should know is behind the school)**

I then did what I always did. I wanted freedom. I wanted control of something. So I took out my favorite razor blade.

What else could I do?

* * *

**This chapter was really about love and etc.**

**As you could see...im putting bits of what happened to bella in italics.**

**you can put it together yourselves. :p**

**So...yeah this chapter sucked.**

**More confessions of Bella swans story will come into play in the next chapter :)**


	15. Bella and Jasper

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight**

* * *

**EPOV**

Bella wasn't in Biology.

Bella wasn't in the parking lot.

Bella wasn't at home says Rose.

Bella hadn't called or anything.

Its been hours and nothing.

Where was she?

"Edward are you okay?" I looked over and saw Alice at my door. I was in my room staring up at the ceiling.

"No. Alice we pushed her." I sighed.

"No Edward. All we did was show her that love can get threw anything." I shook my head.

"Bellas stubborn. She still doesn't believe it. She won't until..." I trailed off and shook my head. I'm losing my mind.

"Edward...Rose is scared. She's downstairs because she doesn't want to go home. Bellas been missing for hours. There going to search the woods soon. Even though Bellas never been in the woods...right?"

I just stared. Bella had been in the woods before. With me.

"I have to go Alice." I got up and ran past her. Before I went down the stairs I heard her say something.

"She's going to believe you after this."

**BPOV**

_"Bella where have you been?" Renee asked worried. I shook my head as I passed her._

_"Bella" Renee grabbed my arm. I glared at her._

_"What?" I growled._

_"Where were you?" I pulled my arm away from her._

_"I was out."_

_"With Kate? She's the only friend of yours I've met." I flinched._

_"She's the only friend I have Renee." Her glare was sharp._

_"Bella. I'm your mother at least show me some respect." I laughed._

_"Mother? Mother? Show you respect? What the hell! You've never been a mother to me! Or your son for that matter!" Renee flinched this time. Good._

_"Don't bring Jasper into this Bella. You know I love your brother."_

_"Loved. Just like you loved Charlie." I turned and was about to go upstairs when she spoke again._

_"What about you Bella? If you love them so much why don't you call them? Why do you always yell at me? I can't change the past or how I left them. You can call too Bella. Its not there job to stop there lives just to call you everyday." I turned around and looked at her._

_"The reason I don't call is because I know they don't want me. They don't want a stupid bitch who looks exactly like the whore that left them!"_

_"Isabella Swan!"_

_"Renee Dwyer!" _

_"Don't you dare talk to me that way."_

_"I'm not talking I'm screaming!" _

* * *

I thought I was over my sickness at the sight of blood. I mean with my cutting it was like it went away. Now though...walking through the forest...I'm really dizzy.

I lost my phone. Well...I got rid of my phone?

I threw it about ten minutes ago.

I wonder how many people are looking for me?

_None_.

That's a lie.

_Who would want too?_

"Edward." I thought. He would look. Hes trying to get me to love him then he'd try and find me. Right?

_Your not sure._

"Shut up" I muttered. Wow I've completely gone insane.

As I walked the trees started spinning. I stumbled but didn't fall.

_Edward never said he loved you. He never said that._

"Shut up" This time I did fall. "Shit" I mumbled. This time I didn't try and get up.

_If Edward was looking for you he would have found you by now._

"No..." I shook my head. Why did I care? I didn't want pity. I hate bullshit like that. Pity and sympathy. I would get that and most likely they'd send me straight to therapy.

_You care. You care about Edward Fucking Cullen._

"I shouldn't. I'm done caring." I whispered. "I want it all to end. Please..." I whispered. I had never said those exact words before. I may be suicidal but it had never sounded more real until now.

_Why now? You've had so many chances. Whats gotten to you now? You could have slashed your wrist as soon as you got into your room the night Kate died. Why now?_

"It hurts more now." I whispered. My strong wall was falling. The sky was dark. Not a pitch black, but a sort of purple maybe?

_It hurts more now? No it doesn't. You feel more hurt but thats because of this. You love Edward. Your in love with Edward Cullen._

"No..." I felt my tears fall down my cheeks and the dizziness almost completely taking me over. It no longer was because of blood. Now it was because of the memories flooding my mind.

* * *

_"Do we have a deal Ms Swan?"_

James. I had worked with James.

* * *

_"Bella you know you can't do this anymore." Kate sighed._

_"I know" _

_"I know....Bella I think were going to have to...leave." _

_"We?"_

_"There's no way in hell I'm leaving you alone."_

Kate...I'm...so sorry.

* * *

_"On the count of 3 we run." She nodded._

_"1..." She whispered._

_"2..." I could hardly breathe._

_"3!"_

"_Kate!" I screamed _

"_WE'RE NOT DYING THIS WAY!" I yelled but then I heard them._

"_GO BELLA DAMNIT!" she yelled._

Why did you send me away Kate? Why? I can't be here anymore...

* * *

"_STOP HURTING HER!" I screamed but they couldn't hear me her screams were louder._

"_AH!" Then the final point came. I heard gunshots and no more screams._

_They had gotten Kate just like they had gotten me._

I'm so sorry Kate...

"No..." Darkness began to take me over. I rolled onto my side and let my tearful eyes shut.

"I'm sorry Kate..." That was the first time I think I'd ever said it aloud.

**EPOV**

"Why aren't you listening to me!" I yelled. Jasper wouldn't let me in the house. I was outside and I knew where Bella could be. But he had to be a prick.

"You're the reason shes missing! You couldn't listen to me! You couldn't leave my baby sister alone!" His face was red. He wanted to punch something. I could tell. His anger went threw me. I was angry now too.

"Shes in the woods dammit! I know where she is! You wont listen just because....theres no reason! I didn't do anything! Goddammit Jasper shes scared!" I heard a car pull up and Emmett, Rose and Alice got out of it.

"Jasper just listen to him." Rose pleaded. "Let Charlie talk to him." The door to then house opened and Charlie was there looking at us. Jasper paid him no mind.

"Its your fault! She upset because of you! She left because of you!" Jasper was glaring at me. But it didn't seem to be at me. He seemed far away. His eyes were glazed as if thinking far away.

"Jasper..." I didn't yell this time.

"Shes never coming back becaue of you! She hates us now! Its all your fault! Your the reason she doesn't love us anymore!" Rose tried to take a step forward. Emmett held her back. Charlie had a knowing look in his eye. He knew what ws wrong with Jasper. This no longer seemed to be about Bella.

"Charlie. I know-" I started to say. Jasper cut me off.

"Shut up!! No one wants you here! You're the reason she left us! You're the reason she hates us! You're the reason I'll never see her again!" Jasper lunged at me. I moved and he fell. He didn't move from the ground though. he stared at the sky and kept yelling.

"She's never coming back! She took Bella from us! I hate you! Its your fault!" Sudden understanding filled my mind. He was comparing me to Phil Dwyer. Bella looking like his mother must have done something to his mind...

"Jasper..." He went on with his yelling. Charlie stood next to me and told me he was going to take me with him and everyone to the woods. I nodded and looked at Alice. She was crying.

"I knew this would happen..."She whispered. I looked back at Jasper.

"I hate you! I hate her! Bella where are you!! She left because of you! I'm never going to see her again! You took her from me! You ran her away from me!" Suddenly he stopped. Why? Alice thats why.

She ran over and sat on top of him. She covered his mouth with he hand and looked him in the eye. His eyes meeting her teary ones.

"Jasper. Edward isn't Phil. Bella isn't Renee. She's nothing like Renee Jasper. Please" Her tears were rapid and I couldn't move. I looked at Em and Rose. They watched as well.

"Renee left on her own. Jasper. Phil didn't make her..." She moved her hand alittle and Jasper spoke, still staring at the sky.

"She never loved me. She hates me. She took Bella from me. She took away my little sister. She wouldn't let us see her. I wanted to see her...I could have helped her. I never got to help her." You could see that Jasper had lost it too. He had tears in his eyes.

"Jasper..." Alice started but then stopped.

"Phil. Its Phils fault. He made her love him. He made her leave us. He made her take Bells..." Alice shook her head.

"Jasper...Jasper you know...you know the truth." Jasper closed his eyes and then opened them slowly.

"She left me because she wanted too." He whispered. Alice nodded.

"I'm so sorry Jasper." He sat up. Alice tried to move away from him but he grabbed her.

"Jasper?" She whispered. "Please let me go."He shook his head and then held her tighter.

"No. Never again. Im so sorry Alice. Im so sorry. Goddammit Alice I love you so much." He hugged her and kept speaking. No one could not see Alices shock. She had no clue this would happen.

"Jasper...I love you too." She hugged him back and kissed his cheek.

"Don't leave me again. Please Ali. Not like that again. Please..." What? I looked at Rose and she whispered.

"When Alice left...She left the same way Renee did. The same way...the same words...I was spending the night when it happened." I looked back at them.

"No...Jasper. Not again. Never again. I promise. I love you." Jasper looked at her and kissed her. Before she could do anything he pulled back and looked at me.

"Edward. Go find her. Just...go. Please. Find her." I nodded and turned to Charlies car. He was waiting for me.

* * *

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	16. Edward and Alice

**Chapter 16**

**EPOV**

"Do you have any clue where she could be?" Charlie asked. I didn't say anything. I didn't take them to the meadow. I took them into the woods and went close to the meadow. Charlie had everyone go in different directions.

I chose the meadow.

She wasn't there.

"Chief Swan do you think we should start looking in La Push?" Charlie started nodded.

"Yes"

"No" Charlie looked at me as I said it.

"She's not here Edward." I shook my head and thought. I started pacing and I felt every officers eyes on me. I looked at all the trees thinking back to when I took her to the meadow.

_"I haven't taken any for months." _Bella had said. No she wouldn't be in La Push.

_"She was the closest thing to a mother I had. My mom is...everything I don't want to be. I look like her yes...but I'm nothing like her and I want it to stay that way. But I still need someone...to talk too. Rose is that and always has been that for me."_

That doesn't help...shes not with Rose now.

_"You have a cell phone?" She nodded._

Her phone!

"Charlie please tell me you have a phone with you." He nodded and gave it to me.

"What is the boy doing?" someone asked. "You told us Isabella didn't have a cell phone." Charlie shrugged.

"She doesn't." I shook my head and dialed the number I had memorized.

"She does. She just didn't tell you." I waited. Then I heard it. My ring-tone.

_Ready set go_

_Its time to run_

_the sky is changing we are one_

_together we can make it_

_while the world is crashing down_

_don't turn around._

Everyone looked around. Then I saw it. It was lighting up as the song finished. My name flashed on the screen. I ran over and picked it up. Charlie followed and so did everyone else.

"Shes not in La Push dammit" I gave him the phone and started looking around. I saw footprints...and blood. I heard Charlie take in a breath. Then he yelled.

"Bella!" He started looking around. I don't know what the other cops did. I wasn't there to pay attention. Charlie followed the trail with me.

"Bella!" I yelled with Charlie. I don't know why I yelled. I knew she couldn't hear. I had that horrible sick feeling.

We kept running threw the woods. The ground had spots where you could tell Bella had fallen. They had spots of blood and the grass seemed flat.

Charlie stopped and I did too. He took a breath and looked around like a mad man. I would have joined him but something stopped me.

I looked over and saw something...it was moving. The wind blew and suddenly I saw pieces of brown hair move around it.

I ran over and I don't think Charlie noticed. When I stopped I knew it.

Bella.

I got on my knees and looked at her. Her eyes were closed and she looked so pale. I looked at her arms they were wrapped around her waist. I took her hand. It was so cold and checked I her pulse.

She was breathing.

"Charlie! Bellas here!" I choked on the last words. He came over though. Then he grabbed his radio thing or whatever and called everyone over. He was upset. You could hear it in his voice.

"Bells" He whispered. He didn't touch her. It was like he was scared to. I got closer to her.

"Bella. Wake up. Bella. Your okay. Bella." I wanted to say so much more. I shook my head. This felt wrong. I was begging her to do something she didn't want to do. She didn't want to go to the hospital and that's where they would take her. I picked her up. She didn't even flinch.

Charlie told me to follow him and we started out of the woods back to the high school. It was the closest building around. I looked at Bella more as we walked.

She wouldn't want to wake up in a hospital. She wouldn't want them to try and keep her there. They would keep her there and lock her in a room with a therapist.

_She needs to go to the hospital though._

Carlisle has all of his stuff at home....he could treat her there. No one would know about this.

_Jasper would be mad._

No...he's in a completely different world. Alice can calm him down. Wow I never thought she'd have to do that.

_It sounds like you've made your decision. _

Yes I have.

Charlie was so far ahead of me that he didn't notice when I switched directions.

Everyone would probably hate me.

Bella wouldn't.

**APOV**

"Has this happened to Jasper before Alice?" My dad asked me. I nodded. We had gone home. Mom had come into the room and was sitting with Rose and Emmett.

"When?" Carlisle asked. I shrugged this time. Emmett and Carlisle had taken Jasper upstairs to the spare bedroom. Jasper was in hysterics...saying I was going to leave. I had to go upstairs every couple minutes to tell him I loved him and I wasn't leaving.

"Alice...I thought it went away." Rose whispered. I shook my head at my best friend.

Bella wasn't the only one with a...different mental state. Bella lived threw hers. She let it take her over. Jasper only had episodes. When he did they were intense. Only Rose and I knew about them.

"It never did Rose...I wanted to tell you..." I shook my head and put it in my hands. I didn't want Carlisle to try and fix Jasper. Answering these questions felt wrong. I wanted Jasper to be okay...but god this felt like the wrong way.

"How long?" The way he talked. It wasn't as if this was Jasper. It was a professional.

"Carlisle do you hear yourself? Stop it. You've already locked him up! Stop it!" I stood up.

"He's had these episodes ever since Renee stopped sending Bella over! The first one was the day Charlie told Rose and Jasper to stop getting her room ready! The year she was suppose to meet us!

"Charlie didn't give them a reason. I was there! After Charlie left the room it happened! God...he just started muttering all these things. Rose had closed the door and we wouldn't let him leave.

"His muttering got louder and it became yelling. Charlie didn't know because he had left the house. Jasper started screaming. 'I hate her! Why the fuck is she doing this!' He had yelled. 'Why can't we see Bella!' I told him there was probably a good reason. He said 'She hates us! Dammit she wants us to suffer more. Like we haven't enough already!'

"Rose and I let him scream...when he calmed down we promised not to speak of it with anyone." Rose didn't speak. Esme stood up and hugged me.

"Renee leaving effected them both Carlisle. Bella had wanted to be with Jasper. Jasper and wanted to be with Bella. They were put apart. It hurt them both." I nodded. Emmett spoke.

"What...what is going to happen with Jasper?" Emmett asked Carlisle.

"Nothing" I whispered. "please..."

"I don't know. It's not like he's hurt anyone. He seems to be in need of psychiatric help...which I know better to interfere with."

Before I could speak there was pounding on the back door. Emmett went answer it. Then Rose stood up.

"Jasper..." I turned around. Jasper was at the stairs. He was looking at me.

"Is there something wrong with me Ali?" He whispered. I let go of Esme and ran over to him.

"No Jasper. There's nothing wrong..." I hugged him but he didn't hug me back.

"There is...I was yelling for no reason at all. Dammit-oh god." He let me go and looked around me. "Bella!" He yelled. I turned around.

There was Edward. With Bella in his arms.

I knew he'd chose the right way.

**EPOV**

"Why isn't she in the hospital Edward?" Carlisle asked. I shook my head and took her to the couch.

"Bella. Oh my god is she okay?" Rose sat on the floor next to me. I moved her hair out of her face.

"Carlisle she would hate me forever. Just please...go.."

"I'll go get my bag." he disappeared up the stairs. Emmett sat down behind Rose. He hugged her.

"She's fine Rosie...shes okay." She nodded but didn't say anything. I looked at Jasper and Alice.

"You found her." He murmured. I nodded and stood up. He took my spot and just stared at her. Emmett let go of Rose and went to stand by us.

"You missed a lot." Emmett whispered. Alice nodded.

"What did I miss exactly?" I asked.

"Carlisle trying to figure out whats wrong with our boy Jasper. Alice went off. Apparently this has been happening for a while. Like two years awhile." I looked at Alice.

"You didn't tell anyone?" She shook her head.

"It was our secret. Between Rose, Jasper and I. Then it became just mine and Jaspers. Rose was only there for the first time. The rest happened when it was just me and Jasper." I nodded. She wasn't looking at me or Emmett. She was looking at Jasper, Rose and Bella.

"You found her." Emmett whispered. "You found her alive. Rose...she wouldn't be okay right now. Thank god shes okay Edward." I nodded.

"Edward...she loves you." Alice whispered. I shook my head.

"No Alice she-"

"Is in love with you." She snapped. Jasper and Rose looked at us. Alice didn't care.

"Alice...just..."

"Just nothing Edward. This girl is in love with you. You and only you." Carlisle came down with Esme. Rose and Jasper stood up. Carlisle sat down and Esme beside him. She smiled at Bella and whispered 'shes so pretty' to herself. Esme had never really seen Bella until now.

"You don't know that Alice." Jasper stood next to Alice and took her hand. She stared at me still.

"Edward my god how blind are you? She loves you. She only trust you. Hell she only told you she had a phone! Edward if you didn't know..." Everyone stared at her. Alice always knew things. She never not amazed us.

"If I didn't know they would have gone to La Push and would have stopped looking in the woods." I said. "They wouldn't have found her in time..." She nodded.

"Ed" Emmett said. "I think...she may love you. God. Have you seen the look in her eyes when she sees you?" I closed my eyes.

"I agree with Alice and Emmett. I know Bella. She's never cared about someone so much..." I glanced at Rose. She was being truthful. They could tell me this as much as they want. It doesn't mean anything...unless she says it.

"Edward." I looked at Jasper.

"Yeah?"

"Why do you seem upset? Hell why are you upset? Do you not want my sister to love you? Its alittle to late for that? You can't say you have feelings for someone else Edward. We all know you love my sister."

I stood shocked. I had nothing to say. He moved away from Alice and looked me in the eye.

"I'm sorry I went off on you. Yelling at you. I've wanted to yell at Phil forever. The situation was...it messed with my head. Every little thing can mess up my mind Edward." I just stared.

"You aren't Phil. You are completely different. There's only one similarity. You both love someone I care about. Yes I care about Renee goddammit I can't help that. Anyway you love my sister. You tried to show her love is okay. Its not weakness. Yet you don't seem to believe it either."

"Jasper...what now you want me to love her?" he groaned.

"I want you to tell the truth to me. I want the complete truth from you. As my best friend and the brother of my girlfriend." I nodded.

"Do you love my sister? Do you love Bella?" I took a breath and looked at everyone. Carlisle and Esme were watching us. Rose and Em were looking at me. Alice was looking at Jasper. Jasper was looking at me.

"I love her more then anything." I answered. Before he could speak I interrupted.

"I'm just scared she won't love me as much as you say."

* * *

**Review**


	17. Edward and Alice prt2

**Chapter 17**

**Disclaimer:I don't own these characters.**

EPOV

It's been about two hours since I admitted my feelings for Bella. It's been two hours since I actually admitted I loved someone besides my family. In those two hours all I've been thinking about is Bella.

_"Girls don't tend to want to date guys who have tried to kill themselves." I muttered_

_"Guys don't tend to want to be near a girl that can kick their ass." I looked at her._

_"I don't mind."_

_"Who said I did either."_

How did I miss that before? How blind am I? Did she really mean it? Hell I could have admitted my feelings then. Why didn't I?

_"Bella?" I moved a strand of hair away from her face. She looked up at me. _

_"Is your arm okay? Did you wrap it up in anything?" She nodded._

_"Does it sting?" I asked. She smiled sadly._

_"Yes. I'm glad it does too." I nodded in understanding. She looked me in the eyes for a few moments._

_Her eyes...looked as if searching. Searching...for understanding._

_I didn't say anything. She then spoke again._

_"Thank you."_

I understood more then anything...god.

All I could think of now is how many times we just stared into each others eyes. I could stare into her eyes forever.

_"Edward" She had whispered looking at me_

_"Yes?" I looked back into her eyes_

_"Have you ever felt so...alone? So out of place that you would do anything to feel whole again?" The questions she asked started to scare me. What had she done?_

_"Yes"_

Bella needed someone. I wasn't good enough for her...she needed someone that could take care of her. Yes it seems that so far I havent done a bad job of watching over her. But I still...I'm not perfect. Who says I'll be able to be there always?

I want to be. I want to be there to help her...god.

"Edward stop stressing." I looked away from the ceiling of my room and looked toward the door. There stood my pixie of a sister.

"I'm not..." I lied, but she knew me. She sat down on the edge of my bed and looked at me thoughtfully.

"I know how hard it is to love a Swan Edward. It's hard...it's hell." Her eyes were red from crying. I sighed.

"Why didn't you tell anyone Alice? Jasper...he needs..." She put her hand over my mouth.

"You don't know what he needs Edward. Just like I don't know what Bella needs." I removed my hand and looked straight at her.

"Actually Alice I know something Jasper needs." She glared and I smiled. "Alice...he needs you." Her eyes softened.

"True. I guess I know something Bella needs too." I shook my head and she used her other hand to stop me from moving.

"Edward it's true. She needs you. Jasper may need help, but it's something that doesn't want. Bella doesn't want help...unless its from you. Jasper...no one can help him. Edward-Jasper's problems came from one person. The one person Bella hates with every fiber of her being."

"Renee." Alice nodded.

"Carlisle's spoken with Charlie. He told hi, about what happened with Bella. He's also told him to call Renee and have her fly up here as soon as possible." I just stared.

"What is Carlisle going to do?" I asked slowly. She shook her head.

"Correction. What are we going to do?"

It was our job to help the ones we loved. Even if they had no clue of how much we loved them.

* * *

**Short Chapter.**

**I'm sorry about that.**

**Anyway happy holidays:)**


	18. I love you?

**Chapter 18**

BPOV

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Ugh why hasn't anyone turned off the damn alarm yet? I'm surprised Jasper hasn't come and yelled at me about it.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

God since they wont turn it off I'll do it.

I tried to move my arm but something was pulling on it. I opened my eyes and saw a lot of CD's.

What. The. Hell?

Seriously who robbed the music store?

I looked at my arm and noticed what had stopped me from moving.

I had an IV in my arm.

I had tried to kill myself.

I didn't succeed.

Dammit.

But why am I not in a hospital?

"Bella?" I turned my head and looked at the door. There was Edward.

"Wait. Edward?" I whispered. What the hell?"How do you like my room?" He asked walking in. I looked away from him and looked at the IV.

"Why aren't I in a hospital?" I asked. I was barely aware of him walking over to the bed.

"Would you rather be there?" I looked over and he was right next to me.

He knew I wouldn't want to be in the hospital. Him of all people would know what would have happened if I was in the hospital right now.

"You brought me here?" I knew it…I knew he'd find me…or I had hoped.

"I have a question." He said suddenly. I shook my head.

"You have to answer mine first."

"Yes I bought you here."

"Why?"

"Because….I knew they keep you in the hospital. You attempted suicide Bella! God…damn." He closed his eyes and stood up. I sighed and tried sitting up. It hurt…but I sat up.

Thankfully I was still dressed, I'm surprised Alice didn't try and change me.

"What the hell happened?" He whispered. I gave him a confused look.

"What the hell do you mean? I'm the same person you met what a week ago maybe. Nothings different."

"No? How did you feel about me before? You still hate me then? Your pulling an act? Pretending then? I never thought the Bella I knew would pull the trigger like that. I didn't think you'd just…leave like that." He started pacing. I looked at the IV in my arm. He had asked for Carlisle's help I see.

"Where's Jasper? Rose?" He froze. "Well where are they?" Silence.

"Edward what's wrong?" Silence. "Dammit Edward what's going on?" Nothing. I took a deep breath and pulled the IV out of my arm. It made a weird noise and Edward looked at me.

"Bella!" I stood up and ran toward the door.

When I opened the door I heard it.

Jasper

"Get her the hell out of here! I hate you!" Jasper

"Emmett take her out of her now." Rose.

No. God no.

"Jasper hun I'm sorry please! Where's Bella? Jasper I'm sorry!"

Renee.

EPOV

At this moment I feel really stupid for bringing Renee. Alice is right though Jasper and Bella need this. Hell I bet Rose even has issues…no scratch that Renee has issues with Rose.

Bella respects Rosalie more then her so I think she's a little upset.

Alice and I are here to play doctor. Were here to help them…I'm just hoping it doesn't send Bella off the deep end.

"What the hell is she doing here Edward?" She whisper-yelled. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back into my room.

"Did you know about Jasper? Did you know what was going on with him?" She just gave me a confused look.

"Bella you brother is…mentally unstable. When you left your brother attacked me! Alice. God thank god for my sister-she brought him back to reality. There back together and…Bella?" She wasn't looking at me anymore. She was looking at the door.

"Why. Is. She. Here?"

"Closure" I answered simply. Getting irritated that she was interrupting me and that she had avoided my questions earlier.

I had been trying to work my way into that head of hers. It didn't work.

"Closure." She had repeated. Then she did what I didn't expect.

She screamed.

BPOV

My. Head. Hurts!

First I find out I'm….I don't know-ALIVE.

Then I find out Edward did find me and he kept me from the hospital. Renee the bitch is here. Now apparently Jaspers UNSTABLE!

I couldn't take this…I couldn't. So…I screamed and kept on screaming.

"Bella shh. Stop." Edward locked the door and grabbed me. "Bella why are you screaming? Can you please calm down." I just kept screaming even while he hugged me.

"Please just stop. Please Bella." I wanted to stop, but goddamn…

Suddenly there was a pounding on the door. I stopped.

"Thank you." He whispered. He let me go and opened the door slowly.

"Ed what's going on?" Emmett!

"Emmett?" I pushed Edward out of the way. "Where's Rose?" Emmett smiled at me.

"Bells. Rose is…dealing with Renee. She's kinda…"

"Pissed?" I guessed.

"Upset. Jasper…I guess you heard him screaming. Rose wanted me to check on you."

"I'm alive aren't I? I only screamed because Edward and Alice are idiots. Why the hell is Renee here?" I looked at Edward. "Stop being vague why the hell is she here exactly."

"Bella" Edward sighed "You tried to kill yourself…" That made me lose it. I did what I wanted to do then. I slapped him.

"Get over it! That has nothing to do with her being here!" I tried to slap him again but he grabbed my arm and stopped me by growling.

"Get. Over. It. Dammit Bella how the hell am I suppose to get over it! I found you! You almost died in my arms! You almost left…just left! Do you have any idea what you almost did. Your acting like it was nothing,"

"It was nothing Edward. I know what I almost did. I wanted it. I couldn't stand it."

"So you decided to give up. Give up on life. On everything. Bella you were actually starting to trust me."

"Well I don't trust you." Lies. "I don't give a damn about what you guys wanted. All I know is that since you 'saved' me. I have to deal with this shit you guys started." I pulled my arm away from him and walked out the door.

Edward…I'm sorry…I'm sorry I lied.

I love you…

EPOV

"Wow. Ed I'm sorry…" I shook my head at Emmett as Bella walked out of the room.

"This is insane. She can't…you said-what the hell!" I grabbed my alarm clock off the table and threw it at the wall. "Does she not see how much I care about her!"

"Maybe she's waiting for you to say it?" I stopped pacing and looked at Emmett.

"What?" He sighed.

"She's like Rose in some ways. This might be one of them."

"I'm not going to say it and make a fool out of myself Emmett." He sighed and looked down the hallway.

"You'll figure something out man. But you of all people should know she's lying. She's horrible at it. Maybe since you're expecting her to reject you that's why you think she's telling the truth." I couldn't think of anything to say.

Emmett has been threw a lot. Especially with me…I was a little bullshitter as Emmett would call me. I would make Alice cry all the time. I actually was scared to talk to Emmett after I was better. I thought he hated me.

He hadn't. He had only worried about me.

"Edward?" I looked behind Emmett and there were Jasper and Alice.

"Hey Jasper. You okay?" Emmett hit Jaspers back and he shrugged.

"Is she gone Edward?" Jasper asked. Alice sighed and shook her head.

"No she's not. She's with Rose."

"Where's Bella?" Alice asked slowly. Then I realized she went downstairs.

"Shit." Emmett said he left and went downstairs. I followed and I could tell Alice and Jasper were right behind me.

Renee and Rose were in the kitchen. Bella was just watching then quietly. Emmett tapped her shoulder and she looked at us and said shh. She smiled at Jasper and then looked back in the kitchen.

**RPOV**

"Um…would like something to drink Renee? Coffee?" I asked. She nodded smiling a little at me. I smiled back and started to pour her some coffee.

It was kinda quiet but I didn't want to ask why. I wonder why Bella was screaming. She probably her Jasper yell about Renee

I gave Renee her coffee and sat down next to her. I didn't know what to say 'I'm sorry you're son hates you and that Bella hates you too?' Yeah no.

"Rosalie" I cringed. I felt like I was five years old around Renee. Hell I hadn't seen her since…I don't even know.

"Yes Renee?" I looked up at her. She was staring at me.

"Can you…tell me why Bella…"

"Why Bella what?"

"Why my baby tried to kill herself under your care?" She whispered angry. I sighed and took a deep breath.

Don't get angry. Don't get angry.

"Renee I love Bella. This wasn't my doing. Maybe if you paid more attention to her in Arizona she wouldn't be acting this way. Maybe if you would have sent her home in the summer like you and Charlie had agreed she would be happier Renee!" I stood up and looked at her.

My aunt.

Someone I had once looked up too.

My mothers sister.

Bella's mother.

The women I had replaced in Bella's heart.

"Don't talk to me that way Rosalie Hale." Renee stood up as well. At that moment I realized I wasn't five years old.

I was eighteen now. I was an adult and Renee wasn't in charge of me.

"Renee you can't tell me what to do. If you have a problem talk to your daughter about it. Not me."

"I'm talking to you because for some odd reason she thinks of you as her mother. You're only one year older then her for gods sake."

"Yes. I may be only one year older Renee but I was there for her as much as I could. She missed us. She missed Jasper the most. She didn't like how you left Charlie. She didn't especially like how you immediately went to Phil either. You had it all planned out didn't you Renee." I shook my head.

"I bet you didn't plan on Bella hating you. I bet you didn't plan on Jasper actually missing you and his sister. I bet you didn't plan on any of this." I stopped my little rant and it was silent. Renee had nothing to say. Then I heard clapping. We both looked toward the living room.

Bella was clapping.

**JPOV**

Renee. What can I say about Renee?

She's in love with a man named Phil.

Phil plays baseball.

Renee was married to my dad Charlie.

Renee took Bella from us and we haven't seen her for two years.

Something happened in Arizona and Renee couldn't handle it.

Renee is here now apparently for closure.

Renee has no clue how much I missed her as a child.

Renee knows nothing about me.

Renee is the mother I never knew.

"Renee why are you still here?" I asked. I walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter Bella followed me. She crossed her arms and leaned against the counter too.

"Jasper…I'm so sorry. Bella what happened? I knew I should have kept you home." Bella held up her hand.

"Renee this and this only is my home. Well not this house." I smiled "But Forks. Arizona was my home only because Kate was there. It's no longer home. I love more people here. Sorry." She was sarcastic at the end.

"Bells." She used Bella's other nickname. "You tried to kill yourself hun." Bella frowned.

"Why can't anyone get over that?!"

"Because it's a big deal Bella!" I looked at Edward.

Edward's like my best friend. I was hesitant at first but anyone can see how he feels about my sister. I don't think she can though. She loves him too.

"Why? Edward you keep bitching about it. Why? You found me. I'm perfectly alive."

"I. Almost. Lost. You." She was taken back.

"You almost lost me?" She was confused. Suddenly I felt someone grab my arm. I looked down and saw Alice. She smiled at me. I wrapped m arm around her. And completely ignoring Renee's confusion as well we watched Bella and Edward.

EPOV

"Yes. I almost lost you." It's now or never.

"Everyone would have lost me Edward. You barely know me it wouldn't have affected you-"

"It would have affected me more then you know! Bella do you not get how I feel about you!" I waited. She shook her head. Maybe it's not that obvious.

"Bella." I sighed.

"I love you."

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	19. I really do

**Disclaimer: I don't own the twilight characters' **

BPOV

Carlisle must have me on some pretty good medication because there's no way in hell Edward would say that.

Now the Rose thing I know that was real. Renee had it coming I mean she's a bitch.

"W-what?" I asked. Well hell I stuttered.

"You heard me." Edward said. This. Wasn't. Happening.

"You don't mean that." I said. "You barely know me. You-"

"I know that you're stubborn. I know that you're really good in school but no one thinks you are because of the way you act. I know that you like me." Cue the blush. Damn him.

"I know that you've been blaming yourself for everything bad happening. I know you have a deep hatred for Renee. I know a lot more then you think."

"Edward…" Because I could say anything Renee had to stick her two-sense in.

"Edward this isn't the time or place for this."

"I think it is." I whipped my head around and looked at my brother. He had his arm around Alice.

"Jasper. We have more important things to-"

"They've been putting this shit off for to damn long RENEE." He shook his head. I looked at Edward.

"You're not fucking serious." He grinned sadly.

"Can we talk outside?" He asked. I looked at Rose and she nodded. I started following Edward out the back door.

"Bella" I heard Renee call. I ignored her. Before she could call me again I closed the door behind me and shook my head.

Edward leaned against the rail on the back porch. I leaned against the door.

"Why are you trying to fuck with my mind Cullen?" I whispered. I was completely…confused. Fuck.

"Why are you pushing me away Swan." He pushed away from the rail and walked over to me. He looked me in the eye. His lips inches from mine.

God.

Fucking.

Hell.

"I'm not." I looked to my left. Hell yes I was. I closed my eyes and asked silent questions.

_What the hell am I doing?_

_Why can't this all just go away?_

_What is HE doing?_

_This can't be real._

_Kate I'm sorry please just help me._

"What are you thinking?" I looked back up at him. His green eyes were dark.

"That I shouldn't…" He shook his head. "What Edward? What the hell do you want me to say?"

"Usually when someone admits to loving someone they have a different reaction. Most girls would say something."

"I'm not most girls."

"That's why I love you." His eyes seemed to brighten when he said those words. My heart was pounding, like in the forest.

When I realized I loved him too.

"I'm fucked up Edward."

"I know." I narrowed my eyes.

"I'm a suicidal bitch."

"You're unique." My eyes widened a little at his tone. It even sounded…loving?

"I'm a whore." He shook his head glaring.

"No. Bella I have no clue what happened to you. All I know is that those assholes are so wrong." He sounded so firm. I took a deep breath.

"I tried to kill myself." I whispered. What was this feeling…SHIT? Vulnerability!

"I know." he sighed. "I tried so fucking hard. I want to help you…everyone said…Alice told me I was helping you. Almost everyone agreed. Then…this…I failed." he whispered the last word.

My heart dropped.

My cold lifeless heart.

Tears started falling and I cursed. Edward wiped my cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" He wondered. I glared.

"You're such a bastard. You try to convince me love isn't weakness. Then why do you…I don't feel strong. I feel weak Edward." it took him a minute to comprehend what I accidentally said.

"Shit." I whispered. He shook his head.

"Did you just…?" I shrugged after a minute. He started backing away and I grabbed his arms.

"No." I whispered.

"What?" he asked. "Bella dammit Jasper was right. We need to talk about this." I didn't look at him. I looked at my hands as I moved them so I was holding his.

"I like this." I said to myself. Edward squeezed my hand.

"Bella." He sighed. "I love you. So much."

EPOV

Bella said love was weakness. It can be. Not hearing her say it made my heart feel so broken. I felt unprotected. Like nothing could ever fix me if she rejected me.

I could say it.

I could admit it to her now.

It just stung because she hadn't given me any clue to her feelings.

I thought she liked me!

I thought…they said she loved me.

"How?" She asked after I had said it once again. I put my forehead against hers.

"I love seeing you everyday." I whispered. "You're so beautiful. Jasper told me not to try anything because you were so broken. Please don't hate him for that. I understand. It's just…I was drawn to you. You piss me off…all the time. Not now. Maybe the love is stopping me I don't know." I looked in her teary eyes.

"You were screaming and bitching. I yelled back at you. I realized you were-are like me. You like the fight. It makes you feel…it's a rush. After are fight somehow you started…listening to me. I have no clue why."

"You were once me." Bella said. "I saw pictures of you. Before. What happened?"

"I can't…Bella I didn't feel like I belonged. I didn't feel right."

"You looked so sad."

"You LOOK so sad." I emphasized the word 'look.' She frowned.

"I'm mad."

"Why?"

"Because." I couldn't do this. Fuck. I tried to pull away but Bella stopped me.

"No." I shook my head.

"Stop it Bella!" I tried not to yell, but I couldn't stop it. She let me go and glared.

"You just can't…do that." I said softly.

"Do what? Edward you know…I like you." Those words cut me like a knife. I felt a sting in my chest. I actually for a spilt second wished I had felt a REAL sting of a razor blade. They hurt less.

"I can't. Bella I actually love you. You're hiding from me." I hope you are. "We…" I trailed off.

"We what? Just friends?" She asked. She showed no emotion at all. I just looked at her.

The broken girl with the hidden past. The girl who did nothing but blame herself but knew how to defend herself against others.

The beautiful disaster I loved.

"Bella…" Fuck my life. "I'll be whatever you need me to be." I opened the back door and walked back into the house.

Leaving her alone again.

APOV

"Edward?" I asked as I saw my brother walk back in.

Something was wrong. Bella wasn't behind him and he looked sad. I looked at Jasper and he shrugged. Renee had left. She would be back tomorrow. It was just Rose, Emmett, Jasper and I. Esme and Carlisle were upstairs.

"What happened?" Jasper asked. Edward glared.

"What do you think happened?" He snapped.

"Edward…" Emmett warned. Edward sighed and looked me straight in the eye.

"I didn't think rejection would hurt this much." I don't think anyone in the room was breathing.

"What did she say?" Rose asked.

"She almost…said it. God. Fuck. Then she took it back and said she liked me. That fucking hurt like shit. I…love her…so…" He shook his head. "Fuck this." He grabbed his jacket from the counter and started toward the door to the garage.

"Edward?" I saw the look in his eyes. "Edward!" He didn't look at me he just kept going. Before I could say anything else he slammed the door.

"What is wrong with him?" I whispered.

"What's going on Alice?" Rose asked. I looked at Emmett.

"La Push." Emmett's eyes widened.

"He wouldn't."

"Why wouldn't he?"

"He stopped that shit Alice!"

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"He's just cooling off."

"If he comes home high as fuck I blame you."

"I didn't break his heart Ali." Everyone went silent. No one knew what to say. Rose stood up.

"I need to talk to her." She looked at me. "Don't assume the worse. Maybe Edward just wanted to leave before he lost it. Edward wouldn't want to blow up on Bella. You know that." I nodded.

"Rose. I worry about Edward all the time. I can't help think the worst when he gets that dark look in his eyes."

"Alice. I worry about Bella every second of every day. I hate how I can't help her like Edward does. Let me talk to her and maybe she can talk to him." I nodded and leaned against Jasper as Rose went outside.

"Alice" I looked at Jasper. "She loves him. I don't know why she didn't tell him." I shrugged.

"She doesn't think she deserved to be loved. She's pushing him away." I sighed.

"I just hope she realizes what she wants soon."

BPOV

Well fuck my life.

"_I'll be whatever you need me to be." _God I messed up.

What to do…

"Bella?" I looked to my right and saw Rose. I tried to smile.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"What's going on? You…rejected Edward?" I closed my eyes.

"I don't know. I'm so confused." She stood next to me; I looked at the forest.

"Do you love him? Everyone's assuming you do, but know ones asked. Do you love him?" I opened my eyes and nodded slowly. Rose took a breath.

"Why…didn't you tell him? That was the perfect time." I shook my head.

"No…its wasn't."

"How do you know?" I bit my lip.

"I'll just know." I sighed. "Rose I saw his car leave. Can I stay and wait for him?" She nodded.

"Charlie's letting us stay here with you. Carlisle has work but Esme is going to watch us. Alice and Emmett are staying too."

"You're going to stay in Emmett's room?" She nodded.

"Jasper's staying with Alice to avoid another meltdown. Tomorrow Carlisle's going to try a prescribe him something." I frowned.

"I'll…I'm going to sleep." I turned and started walking toward the door. Rose followed me.

When we walked inside I only saw Emmett. Alice and Jasper were gone.

"They're going to bed. I talked to Alice and she's calmed down." Rose nodded and hugged Emmett. I sighed.

"What's wrong Belly?" I stared at Emmett and smiled.

"Nothing Emmy I'm just a little tired is all." He frowned and looked thoughtful. Rose watched us in amusement.

"Then…I know go to bed!" He announced. I put on a thoughtful face.

"Where am I going to sleep Emmy?" I liked this game. Again he made a face in thought. Rose laughed.

"Eddies room!" I sighed.

"Emmett I…can't." He frowned.

"Belly I know Edward wont mind. He cares about you." I bit my lip. "He saved you. He was so scared."

"Jasper asked him too…"

"Bella. Do you honestly believe that's the only reason Edward saved you?" Rose asked. I shook my head and started up the stairs.

I needed to sleep.

EPOV

I drove around for a long time.

She drove me insane.

She loathed herself.

She thought nothing good of herself.

She even tried to make me not love her.

Her face was in shock when I called her unique. I didn't care at the time I just thought about how beautiful she looked in the moonlight.

I literally poured my heart out to her. The rejection killed me and I couldn't stay in that house without losing my sanity.

I left and drove all the way to Port Angeles and back.

I'm now in my car in the garage.

It's 1:42 am.

I'm afraid to go back into the house.

Alice is surely mad at me for leaving. She thought I was going to get high again. I could tell by her tone when I was leaving. I'm hoping someone defended me. I sighed.

I turned off my car and got out. I went in the garage door and into my house.

It was quiet.

No one was waiting up for me.

No one was here yelling at me for being out late.

I smiled.

They trusted me.

Alice was hesitant but that's just because she's easily scared. I had scarred her for life. I frowned.

I started walking up the stairs thankful when I made no noise.

My door was closed which confused me. I had left it open. I started turning the door knob.

When opened the door a little I heard it.

Breathing.

Sobbing.

Bella.

"Edward?" I opened the door and I saw her.

She was lying in my bed and was looking down. Her eyes had tears in them.

Had she slept at all? I'd been gone for hours.

"Bella?" I didn't turn the light on; I just walked into the room and knelt down next to the bed. Bella was clutching her arm.

"Bella" She had unwrapped her left arm. "Why'd you unwrap it?" I took her arm in my hands. She shook her head.

"I wanted to look at it. It hurts." I sighed.

"I imagine that it does." I rubbed my finger over her old scars and the soon to be scar. I opened the drawer next to my bed and took out some more gauze to wrap it with. Carlisle left it here just in case.

"I'm sorry I stayed in your room." She whispered. I shook my head; then I closed my eyes.

I took a breath and kissed the scars on her wrist. I heard her take a deep breath. I looked back at her. She was looking back at me. I wrapped up her arm for her.

"Thank you." I shrugged.

"You're very welcome." I didn't move from my spot on the floor.

We both stayed quiet for a while. I didn't know what to do.

I hadn't looked at Bella so I had assumed she had fallen asleep.

I was wrong.

"Edward?" I had stood up and was going to sleep on my couch but she stopped me. I turned around to find her sitting up in my bed.

"Yes?" I could see her. It was dark but I could see her. She looked different. She looked…like the broken girl I saw singing Evanescence in the airport.

She didn't say anything I walked over to the front of the bed.

"Yes, Bella?" I asked again. She moved forward and sat up on her knees. She looked straight at me. I could feel her breath on my face.

"I…" She started. "I…" She bit her lip. I took a breath and tried to not to think about how close she was. I wanted to kiss her. She lifted her hand put it in my hair.

"Your hairs soft." She whispered. I nodded. She smiled.

"Did you need something Bella?" I asked. She nodded, but said nothing.

"What do you need?" She tilted her head slightly.

"I need to tell you something." Okay.

"You can tell me anything Bella." Her hand left my hair and went to my shoulder. She then put her other hand on my left shoulder.

"I can tell you what happened to Kate?" I nodded slowly.

"If you wish to share that with me."

"I can tell you about Phoenix. About what I did?" My eyes went a little wide but I nodded.

"Of course."

"Can I tell you a secret?" She seemed hesitant this time. I nodded.

Bella moved a little bit and was suddenly very close. Our lips were inches apart.

"I'm…in love with you." She whispered. My heart stopped.

She had whispered it so softly I almost didn't hear it. I looked into her brown eyes and saw the truth.

She wasn't lying.

"Bella…" I whispered. I didn't know what to say…I thought…

"Edward." She whispered back. "I really do." My mind and now my heart were in overdrive.

She loved me.

She was so close.

There was no way in hell I could control my reaction to this. So I didn't.

I kissed her.

Her body froze for a moment and then responded.

She kissed me back and I wrapped my arms around her waist. I felt her hands in my hair again.

After a few minutes I pulled back.

"Edward?" Bella said after moment. She sat back down and made me sit next to her.

"Bella?" I questioned back. She frowned.

"I've never been in an actual relationship." I touched her cheek lightly. I wasn't holding back.

"I'm…confused…scared." I nodded.

"Me too." She smiled and yawned.

"Sleep." I told her. She glared.

"Just because were together doesn't mean you can tell me what to do." I smiled when she said we're 'together.'

"Well then what are you going to do?" She thought for a moment.

"Sleep." I laughed.

"Really now? I should have thought of that." Bella shrugged.

"You're not as smart as me."

"I guess not." Bella tilted her head and sighed.

"Don't sleep on the couch." I looked at her curiously.

"Where am I sleeping then?" She shrugged.

"Anywhere but the couch."

"So on the floor."

"No; anywhere but there is fine. I don't care."

"If you don't care why can't I sleep on the couch?"

"Because the couch can't fit two people" I then understood. "And I'm not sleeping on the floor."

"Scoot over." She did and I moved to the right side of the bed. She laid back and I did too.

I wrapped my arm around her waist and with my right hand I moved her hair out of her face.

"Promise me." She whispered. "That you aren't going to go all soft on me. I like when you set me straight on my bullshit." I nodded.

"Promise me that you're going to stay the beautiful, crazy, and loud, girl I've fallen in love with." I could see her smile in the darkness.

"Of course; this must be a treat for you. Enjoy it. Tomorrow when Charlie, Renee, and Carlisle gang up on me. I'm going to be VERY loud." I laughed softly.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." I kissed her forehead.

"Don't…tell everyone." Her smile was gone. "I don't want…Charlie to know."

"Charlie won't know."

"He'll be an ass and try to pull the parent shit on me."

"He is your parent."

"He didn't save me."

"Save you?" She took a minute to answer.

"From James" I froze. I pulled her closer to me. I put my face in her hair.

"James?" I questioned. She nodded.

"No one helped me. Kate tried…" She trailed off and yawned.

"Sleep Bella" I whispered.

"Shut it Edward." I could tell she was dozing off.

"I love you." I wanted her to say it again.

"Somehow; I love you to Cullen." I laughed.

"Bella? Come on." She yawned again.

"I love you Edward."

That's all I wanted to hear.

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